


ruby

by goblinchan



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, References to Fire, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, TY, Tag, also she/her for arashi ofc, and deleted if not relevant within 3 chaps, chara tags are added as they appear, i dont wanna flood chara tags but all the knights are in this one, i forgot to add some relevant fic tags like, references to drowning, theres no, this fic is a lotta bad dreams, warning tags are added as they appear and permanent, well besides like. yk.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-25 01:04:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20715536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblinchan/pseuds/goblinchan
Summary: As he was putting his arms through the straps on the bag and blowing out the few remaining candles, a hot ball of anxiety formed in his stomach. As much as he’s convinced himself it isn’t his job to worry…Because as far as he knows, The Stone is some kind of superweapon the Emperor and his scientists haven’t figured out how to use yet.What would happen… If they do?





	1. assignment

_ It’s not my job to reflect on things like good and evil. I’m not here to judge the Empire or their morals. I’m useful because I keep track of their history, and if I can be of use, I can’t complain. My family is fed, I’m fed, and that’s all that should matter. But when I’m writing down copies and copies of the King’s new laws, I can’t help but feel an ache in my gut. Sometimes if I’m lucky the repetitive motions make the words look foriegn anyway. Just symbols to copy from one sheet of paper to the next. The days go on like that. It’s not my duty to have a voice regarding the changes. So I don’t. _

The room is always silent. The lights usually less dim, though. Some of the candles were in need of being relit, and the pseudo magic light-tools should probably be replaced. He made a mental note to ask about those in the morning. He didn’t know what time it was, having been cooped up in his workroom for hours. Judging by the work he’d finished and the work he still needed to do by the end of the day, he’d probably have to spend another night there anyway. Oh well. There’s a pile of warm blankets in the corner for a reason. 

A breath. Short, hot, longing for some water or maybe a hot meal. He remembers eating that day (or was it yesterday?) but makes another mental note to leave early for breakfast. He knows he’s allowed to get a meal whenever he needs to, but someone has to do this work. _ And if it’s not me they’ll get someone else. They’ll get someone else. _

He set a page he had just finished atop a tall stack of finished papers, picked up a clean sheet and readied his ink again. How he was able to keep all these stacks organized amongst the mountains of papers and scrolls and books that filled nearly every inch of this room was still a mystery to him. _ It’s probably why they haven’t replaced me yet… _  
  
He placed his pen on the page, but before any written words appeared, there was a hasty knock at the door. He could barely mutter a _ come in _ when the door opened and then shut almost immediately, leaving a very familiar figure standing in his room.

  
“Isara, You’re working too late again. It smells like dirt in here.”  
“It always smells like that, Sir.” He replied. “And my apologies, it’s hard not to lose track of time.”  
Keito had this noticeably strange look on his face, and Mao spent a while trying to decipher if it was worry or excitement. Judging by the way he glanced around the room and ran his hands through his sweaty hair, it was probably worry.  
“It’s a little past midnight… But that’s not important, I need to talk to you about something.” He stepped further into the room and placed a large bag at Mao’s feet. What could be so important that his boss had to come talk to him in the middle of the night had his stomach suddenly twisting.  
“As you know- Or, as you should know, the Empire has been in possession of The Stone for many years- even before the new monarchy. However, I… I don’t have enough time to explain this all. There’s been a rumor of a lost tome appearing in a village a little way to the North. I need you to retrieve it.”  
  
“Wh… Me?” He’s probably dreaming right now. There’s no way they would send him on some sort of quest when they have so many other people at their disposal. _ Well, he did mention The Stone, and there’s not a lot of people outside of the Emperor’s inner circle who know about that… _

  
“Yes. I don’t trust anyone else with this. Everything you need to know I’ve written in a letter in this big-bag.” He gestured to the bag on the floor. It didn’t really look like a big-bag, but if it really was, Mao couldn’t help but be excited about using a magic-tool he hadn’t before.  
  
“Alright...” He spoke, trying to sound as confident as he could. He picked up the bag, deciding he should better examine it later, maybe in proper lighting. “When do I leave?”  
  
“Immediately.” Keito spoke without a pause. “Change your clothes, pack what you need. The bag will hold anything. There’s a wagon outside in the front courtyard, the driver is instructed to take you the whole way. Come back with the tome as soon as you find it, and don’t let anyone know why you need it. You may need to get back on your own… Sorry, I’ve said too much, I really don’t have time. Good luck.”

  
_ Why I need it? I don’t even know why I need it… I don’t even really know what it is… Some book? _ But, it isn’t his duty to ask. If the Emperor's right hand gives him an assignment, there’s no other options. It’s not his job to question. It’s just an order.  
Keito left as soon as he finished those last few words, leaving Mao to himself to make more short mental lists about all the things he needed. He didn’t really have a lot of clothes for traveling, opting to just change his boots and put on a thicker coat. It’s just a job. He’ll be back home in no time. Getting the tome for the… Stone… Right? Keito never really said the two were related but… They have to be…  
And as he was putting his arms through the straps on the bag and blowing out the few remaining candles, a hot ball of anxiety formed in his stomach. As much as he’s convinced himself it isn’t his job to worry…  
_ As far as I know, The Stone is some kind of superweapon the Emperor and his scientists haven’t figured out how to use yet. _  
What would happen… If they do? 

  
Yet, he followed orders; even with a terrible feeling in his gut and an absolutely minuscule amount of information to go off of.

He shortly found himself outside, a light bag on his back and eyes glued to the night sky. It was cold, but not enough to bother him. The faint lights of the silent palace led him on a short walk through the grounds. Something told him he wouldn’t be seeing this place again for a really, really long time. 

“What are you doing?”

Mao yelped, the sudden voice bringing an abrupt end to the solemn tranquil of the night.

“Oh- Gods, Ritsu. You scared the shit out of me!” Mao held his hand to his chest, trying to get his breathing back on track. Hanging around behind dark corners was nothing new for Ritsu, but Mao was already way too on edge. He at least could've greeted him properly before jumping out of nowhere… 

“... Are you going somewhere?” Ritsu continued without apologizing (which wasn't really expected anyway), “It’s one in the morning. Were you going to leave without saying goodbye? You know I’d never forgive you for that, Maa-kun.” His voice sounded kind of sad, but he spoke with that same coy smile he always had that made none of anything he said sound serious, ever. 

“I’m sorry…” He brushed the hair out of his face and looked over to Ritsu, who was still nonchalantly leaning against the palace walls, arms crossed, bright eyes burning in the shadows. “It’s an emergency, I think. An assignment. I don't even know where I’m going yet.” 

“They sent you away on an assignment? You’re not being banished, are you?” His voice perked up a little. “I’ll kill them all and go with you-”

“_ SHH- H-hey don't… _Don't say that so loud, Besides, you have your own duties here. The guard needs you. I’ll… probably be back soon.” 

“You better. If anything happens to you I’ll k-” 

“_ SHHHHH I KNOW- _I know. I’m sorry. Stay safe yourself, Ritsu. I won't be here to get you out of trouble or do your chores for you.” 

“Mhm… No, I can take care of myself, Maa-kun, You're worried about me? Silly… What should I say to people who are asking about you?”

And for a moment, Mao really did think about that. 

“No one will be asking about me. I have to go now, seriously.

Ritsu looked at him with those too-familiar eyes, and while his expression stayed an uncomfortable static, it took awhile for him to reply. 

“Mmm… Okay. Bye-bye… You better come back in one piece, or else.”

“Mhm.”

There wasn't much else to say, but even if he wanted to continue, Ritsu left in a blur just as mysterious and silently as he arrived, off somewhere in the dim night. 

The short interaction, while probably made him more late than he wanted to be, was still very welcome. Keeping the knowledge that a good friend could see him off lifted something off his chest. 

  
Maybe this whole thing won’t be so bad. 

  
He then came into the courtyard clearing, and sure enough, there was an incredibly normal looking wagon sitting in the middle of it. The wheels however, were almost too-obviously magic-tools (which explains the later-noticed lack of an actual horse). As he approached, he noticed the driver was missing as well… Probably to grab some last minute traveling tools, or whatever wagon drivers need for their journeys. It looked absolutely packed- the covered deck behind the seat had a vast assortment of random things sticking out which way, and behind that was a huge bucket-like trench filled with hundreds and hundreds of flowers.

_ Oh, great. _  
Mao made the terrible decision to sit behind that; lifting himself onto the little seat with his back to the piles of flowers. They smelled nice. His eyes immediately began to water. He took off his pack, set it down next to him, and waited for the driver to come and take him away from this place he’s… Lived most of his life, but still didn’t know very much about. Did it ever really feel like home, anyway?  
He sat there for a while, silently wondering how he should feel about this whole thing (or if he should even consider his own feelings at all); staring up at the stars, the soft smell of the flowers still rich in the air, something not so mysterious burning his nose. When suddenly, something in the short distance caught his attention. 

  
The windows in the walls of the castle surrounding the courtyard were dark, the only light coming from some lanterns in front of the entryway and the moon. But there, near a window in a high tower nearby, was what looked like a person… Climbing out of the window? Definitely climbing out of the window. Mao just watched them, arguing with himself over whether or not he should be worried. Maybe he should look away and mind his own business, letting this person climbing out of a window in the dark at one in the morning do their own thing. Just as Mao decided minding his own business actually was the best choice, the person in the window lost their footing and fell, very quickly, the long drop below. Mao had no time to react, let alone breathe, but he felt his heart jump and his bones ache just watching… This… But, at the very last second, there was a small burst of green light near the ground followed by a very soft thump. Tough landing, but they seemed to be alright. Mao was very intrigued at this point, the shaking from watching a person he could hardly see almost fall to their death started to subside, and now he _ really _ couldn’t look away. What were they doing? Did they use a magic-tool to save themself, or their own magic? The person didn’t seem to be hurt, either way. They stood up, dusted themself off, and peeked around the corner, letting the light from the moon illuminate a little bit of their face. The light didn’t do much beside show off a big round pair of glasses, and the person didn’t seem to want to peek any further. Mao couldn’t get himself to say anything, he was so entranced by this weird person’s movements. After looking around a few more times, they then started walking… Very slowly… Towards the wagon… Very carefully staying in the shadows. They didn’t seem to notice Mao at all, which he thought was kind of ironic considering how many times the person worridley looked behind them. When they arrived, they stood as close to it as possible, back to the flower trough, glancing around rapidly and breathing heavily. Mao could make out a little bit of their features now that they were almost three feet away from him. He already knew about the glasses, but _ he _ also had light hair, an absolutely terrified look on his face, and was dressed much too nicely to be an escaped prisoner. Before Mao could even open his mouth to phrase a _ ‘Hello?’ _ , the glasses boy spun around, grabbed the edge of the trough, and successfully lifted himself into the pile of flowers. Something told Mao… This person wasn’t the driver.  
The flowers settled, and Mao heard a very soft exhale coming from some monochrome daisies. 

  
It really wasn’t his business, nor his job, but he should really make sure this guy wasn’t some escaped convict or something anyway, because he’d probably get in trouble…

  
“Hello?” Mao voiced, finally, in an almost-hushed voice.  
No reply, but the heavy breathing stopped.

“I know you’re in there.”

Nothing.

“You better say something or I’m gonna have to-”

  
“OKAYOKAY Shhh- Please!” He spouted in a very hefty whisper. “Please don’t tell anyone I’m in here! I’ll do literally anything please- I...” He sounded like he was about to cry… And his voice was kind of familiar, but not anyone he could name, particularly. So… Definitely not a criminal. Mao wasn’t the kind of person to involve himself in things that might trouble him, so he guessed letting this person sneak a ride with him and pretending he knew nothing about anything he saw was definitely the best course of action but…

“Why were you sneaking around like that? I won’t tell anyone, I’m just curious.”

  
It took a while for him to reply, but in a very hushed voice he spoke “I just wanted to get out… I have a very… Er, overprotective family.” It seemed like there was more he wanted to say, and his explanation didn’t really make anything any more clear, but that was all Mao needed. How interesting. 

He opened his mouth to reply, but instead sneezed. Very loudly. The silent courtyard echoed, and Mao burned with embarrassment. Stupid flowers. Stupid. 

“Oh, bless you, Sir.” A new voice came from somewhere behind him, and even though Mao turned around, he couldn’t see anything behind the covered pile of junk between the flowers and the front of the wagon. “Are you ready to depart?” The voice continued.  
Oh, right, the driver.

  
Mao replied that he very much was, and the wagon began to move immediately.  
He watched the soft, warm glow of the wheels move as they went on their way. The light made him suddenly realize how completely exhausted he was, and if there wasn’t a giant pile of evil flowers behind him he’d absolutely lay down and take a nap. So instead, he sat in silence, listening to the driver whistle some senseless tune, watching the palace move further into the distance. They passed through the castle town, where his family still lived. He silently still wished he could say goodbye. It’s not like he’s seen them in a while, anyway. Would they even know he left? Would the palace still send them money while he’s on this job?  
That worried him… But as that too disappeared into the distance, it really all set in… How far away he’d be from everything he knew…

  
They were passing the farms. The night sky was more clear than he’d ever seen it. It had to have been around three or four in the morning, so the sun should be peeking out soon. He sneezed again, and silently apologized to the livestock nearby.

  
“Bless you!” This time, it was the glasses boy still hiding in the flowers. He sounded so much brighter now, despite the time. He poked his head out and leaned his arms on the edge of the trough, letting little bits of flowers fall to the ground. Mao looked down at him, and while he still couldn’t see very much of his features, he was definitely familiar. He breathed deeply, and looked longingly out into the horizon.  
  
“Thank you,” Mao laughed a little, embarrassed. He’d almost forgotten about this hidden stranger. “You know, for someone so desperate to leave unnoticed, you really didn’t hide in there very long.”  
  
“I was just waiting until the palace was out of sight. Ahh… There’s so much space out here!” He wore this innocent smile that looked so excited and yet still so… Terrified.  
  
“I’m still surprised you didn’t like… See me there. I was _ literally _ sitting right in front of you. What if I _ had _ told on you?”  
  
“W-Well I can’t see very well…” He dipped back into the flower pit.  
  
“Isn’t that what those huge glasses are for?”  
  
“They don’t let me see in the dark!”  
  
Mao heard himself chuckle.  
  
“Nevertheless,” The glasses boy continued, “I do owe you a huge thank-you. You really… Saved me back there. I don’t know what I would’ve done if they caught me leaving… I’m trying not to think about what they’ll do once they figure out I’m gone…” His face became sickeningly anxious again. Mao didn’t know who _ they _ were and at this point in time still considered this whole situation none of his business.  
  
“Oh, it’s fine. I didn’t want to wake anyone up. Besides, I’m busy with other things. I… Er… have my own stuff to worry about. Um… I think this wagon is going to a village… I don’t know what it’s called or if it’s nearby, but you should go… Do your own thing after we arrive.”  
  
“Right… Hey, I-” he was interrupted by another of Mao’s sneezes, which was followed by an immediate apology.  
  
“Oh gods, what are these stupid flowers here for anyway.” He complained, wiping his sore nose on his coat.  
  
“Oh, they power the wheels.” Glasses boy replied nonchalauntly. “I’m surprised you don’t know! The wheels are a magic-tool. The driver guides them but it’s too much energy to drive for hours and hours so they use earth magic like plants and other things to keep them going.”  
  
“Hm.. That makes sense. You must really like magic-tools, huh?”  
  
“No.” He replied in a flat tone, his eyes shallow behind the thick glass. “I hate them. I just know a lot about them.”  
  
Mao decided he didn’t want to ask.  
  
“But anyway… You’re right. I’ll.. Figure something out. Good luck with your own stuff.” He leaned his head back on his arms, glaring into the distance. Something told Mao this guy was a little more than he’s leading on, but… That didn’t matter. Mao had a job to do.  
  
With his new friend(?) dozing off, Mao opened his borrowed big-bag and looked for something to use as a blanket (or a handkerchief, that would be nice). Instead he finds a small sealed letter. Must’ve been the letter Keito was talking about regarding the rest of the details about this book thing he has to find. However, considering the time and his quickly depleting energy, he decided it best if he slips it in his pocket for now. Not like there’s much light to read, anyway.  
  
“Is your job, like… Big?”  
  
“Huh?” Mao turned around to see the glasses boy looking up at him, the soft glow of the wheels showing his sleepy eyes. There was something comforting about the way he looked here… Different from the previous frightened expressions.  
  
“Your job. Is it super important?”  
  
“Mmm… No. I’m not very important.” Mao spoke with a small laugh.

“Oh, me neither.” Glasses boy replied, closing his eyes. “I’m Makoto, by the way. Thank you, again.”  
  
“Mao. Don’t worry about it, really.”


	2. guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where’s the part where he calls Subaru a freak? Where’s the part where he tells him to calm down and leave him alone? 
> 
> Subaru didn’t understand this guy at all. But he wanted to talk to him. He wanted to learn about him. He wanted to ask why he was wearing all those stupid clothes and where he came from and why he packed next to nothing when traveling by himself. 
> 
> He wanted to be his friend.

_ It’s dark. It always starts out dark. Suddenly I’m at home- the old home, but still just me. The walls melt in a searing light, but there's no heat. It’s me, the walls made of fire, and I'm in my childhood kitchen. I sit at the counter and wait. I look up, and I’m sitting across from myself, smiling. I think it's me- It looks like me, but it’s different every time. Sometimes he has long, yellow ears, sometimes a fiery golden tail that sweeps across the floor. He asks me about my day, and pours us both cups of tea. I always drink the tea. He smiles, always. ‘Don’t worry!’, he always says. ‘Your friends are coming. You are loved!’. But no one ever comes. ‘You were never meant to be alone.’ _

_ ‘We are so lonely, aren’t we?’ _

_ It’s always in my voice, but I know it’s not me. His own eyes stare at me, the burning blue contrasting the warm orange red glow behind. Everything melts. His smile turns into a mirror, and I look past him. Onto my home, in flames, and back down to my hands. _

_ There’s a town in my hands. I don’t recognize any of the people, but they always wave up at me. They smile at me, like the ‘me’ with the mirror-mouth that melted into the ground. ‘You are not alone!’ They shout, their voices growing deeper. ‘You were not alone.’ _

_ ‘You are.’ _

_ ‘You are’ _

_ And they too melt in the palm of my hand. _

_ And I am alone. The sky turns black, like the beginning, and I always know what comes next. But this time, it never came. Instead, there was a soft light in the distance. I hear my voice say something I don’t understand before fading away with the new, comforting light. Suddenly someone is holding my hand, pulling me somewhere, off into the darkness. But it wasn’t dark for too long, and when the light returned I could see the person attached to the hand. He’s unfamiliar, but his eyes are glad. I feel a relief that I haven’t in a long, long time. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out but the sound of leaves. _

  
  


He wakes up to something soft and heavy thumping on his chest, and a sticky, wet slime on his face.  
“Daikichi…”   
He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, resisting the urge to curl back into bed. Some days it seemed like he only got up because Daikichi needed him. He didn’t even really like sleeping, but sometimes it was hard to choose between facing his dream demons, or facing the huge empty building he called home. 

He sat up, scratched Daikichi behind his ears, and exhaled heavily.   
“You’re right, we should get the day started.”   
Daikichi yelped happily in response and bounced off the bed, looking back up at Subaru to make sure he followed.   
It was a slow start, but he did.   
  
It was already late in the morning, but after a change of clothes he started his chores.   
He made his way through the huge inn, dusting the blankets in every room, shining the door knobs and sweeping the spider webs. He had a hard time kicking the birds out, it was nice knowing someone enjoyed his company. It’d been a few weeks (or months?) since there was a guest to stay with him. Nonetheless, it was important to him that he kept it clean. Just in case. 

It’s not like there was much else to do, anyway.  
Another day, another morning spent sweeping empty rooms. At least he had Daikichi dancing at his heels to accompany him.   
  
The morning turned to afternoon, and the inn was as clean as it could get, considering. He never considered himself to be lazy, but the lingering voices from the dream were still a little overwhelming.   
And when the busy work had finished, the focus was gone, and the voices made their way back into his head.  
He started to shake, leaning on the top of the stairs. The dull, musty light from the nearby windows faded, and the golden swirling knots of the wooden stairway turned to fuzzy, dark snakes.  
  
_What if I’m alone forever?_  
  
He was pulled out of his near panic by a tug on his calf. He looked down to see Daikichi, happily looking up at him and wagging his tail, the cuff of Subaru’s pants in his little teeth.   
  
“You’re right, I shouldn’t worry.” His voice cracked. “Let’s go eat something,”   
He smiled, and followed his small companion down the stairs to the kitchen.   
  
Sometimes Subaru wondered where he’d be if he didn’t have this little dog to love him.   
  
  
The kitchen was still dusty, but it was warm; the bright sun bursting through the huge, wide windows. Subaru made a mental note to hang the curtains back up, he hadn’t finished the laundry in a while. He didn’t really like having curtains anyway; the radiant glow of the sun to keep him company during midday meals was always welcome. But people liked curtains, right?   
People liked a lot of things he was missing, apparently.   
  
He set a few things down on the large, polished table. They didn’t have much, some dried meats, lemons, apples- they’d probably have more vegetables if he was any good at gardening. He’s certainly tried. Right now he’d in the middle of saving up for a hen house. Chickens are cute, and he really doesn’t like running out of eggs. He’d been looking forward to taking care of them for a while.   
Groceries aside, he fed his dog, snacked as much as he could stomach, and put some hot water on to boil.   
He didn’t make tea too often, but after a night like that, his nerves were still a little on edge. He felt like he needed something extra, especially since all that cleaning didn’t seem to calm him down much. However, a small rummaging through another cupboard changed his mind.  
  
“We’re out of tea again, buddy. Not that you mind and all. Would you wanna go get some? We can go for a walk!”   
There was something about the aspect of going to the village square that suddenly made his stomach hurt. He did want to, really, but thought of everyone’s eyes burning into him was too much to bear on most days. An image of flames flashed in the back of his mind. 

  
“Okay, you’re right Daikichi. We’ll go another time. I do still owe you a walk, though.” He shut the small cupboard camly and followed his friend, who was already on his way to the exit.   
  
  


The sky was clean. It smelled like it had rained recently, but the trail in front of him was already dry. He glanced to the left, noting the short passage to the village, and turned to the right. Daikichi bounded through the grass, playing with the flowers, an everlasting glow in his little doggie smile.   
He followed Daikichi down the trail, trying to focus on the greenery around him. The trees were noisy as ever, obscuring the shadows of the forests that were always a little too close. Old, tattered runes poked out of the ground in every direction, and the ones he’d remembered had grown some new moss; some even a few flower buds. His worn boots crunched into the dirt trail below in a slow, comfortable rhythm. Today was a nice day. Hopefully tomorrow would be, too.   
There really wasn’t anything remarkable down this path. It led to some forks in the road he never explored, and some of those forks led to big cities, the capital, and some other things he didn’t remember; maybe some other towns. But he never went that far, anyway. Not that he needed to, he lives in a beautiful piece of countryside, full of lush meadows and dewy clearings and bright open skies; why don’t people visit it more? His huge empty inn is the first building people see when heading down this path, shouldn’t it make sense for travelers to stop there? Sure there’s a whole village nearby but…   
Subaru shook his head suddenly, and decided to instead focus on a single leaf of a nearby bush. The dark green spots near the steam, the yellow veins running throughout, the reflection of soft light that bounced off it, the delicate sway in the wind. He did this a lot, he thought; but the image of the sweet, small green leaf was a better image in his head than the ones before.   
Today was going to be hard.   
But the tip of the leaf began to smoke, raising a small panic in Subaru’s chest. He ran, only a few steps- just enough so he didn’t remember which leaf he was looking at anymore. He’d probably try again later, but it really wasn’t a good day to accidentally start another forest fire. It’d been a year or so since the last one, but… He didn’t even touch anything this time.   
  
“Daikichi?” he called, his voice sounding more worried than he thought he was. Maybe it’s best not to go out after nights with the mirror-mouth man dream.   
  
_ There was something different this time, though. The stranger’s hand was so soft… _ _   
_ _   
_ “C’mere, Daikichi, we’re gonna go home, okay? Where’d you go?”   
  
He expected the ball of sunlit fluff to bounce out in front of him, as he usually did when called, but after a few long moments of looking around, there was no sign of him.   
  
“H-Hey don't scare me like this… I know you're mad we have to go home already, but we can go for an extra long walk tomorrow, promise!”   
  
Today was a bad day for panic. He had just started to shake again he finally heard some familiar scuffling. Daikichi came out of the bushes, yipped once, and ran back in. Subaru’s a little puzzled, he doesn't usually do this. He’s always been a good dog, even if he overeats sometimes and sure there’s the occasional running a bit too far out of sight, but he’s never _ tried _ to get lost.   
Subaru heard another yelp from the other side of the bushes. However, this one was more of a hurried, scared kind of yelp. Not his usual happy doggie noise.   
Without another thought, Subaru dove into the bushes to follow him, ignoring the prickling scratching of the untamed forest. The concerned doggie barks led him on a small chase through the shadowed woods, which didn't help the anxiety bubbling in his stomach at all . Every snap of a twig under his feet, or rustle of leaves as he brushed passed, or scurrying of a small creature… Everything was so loud.   
But as Subaru caught sight of his dog, big round innocent eyes looking up at him from where he sat cutely on the ground, nothing could have prepared him for what lay beside him.   
  


There was a person, very obviously passed out on the ground- Subaru knows the difference between ‘_ taking a nap _ ’ and ‘ _ dying from exhaustion _’, and judging by the strewn-out position and lack of color in his face, this seemed to be the latter. The person was unfamiliar, and seeing as he’d been running through a dangerous forest, he probably didn’t know his way around, either. His hair was dark and dirty, as were all his clothes. His gloves were worn down and his comically large coat had definitely seen better days, considering how fancy it looked. Everything seemed to have been shiny and polished at one time, especially the shiny blue pendants he wore… There was a lot of blue, actually. Subaru imagined how nice it would be to get those pendants shiny again. Subaru concluded that this poor adventurer from who-knows-where was simply not prepared for adventuring. 

Well, there was only one thing to do, right? It’s not like anyone else would find him here. 

“Good nose, Daikichi.” he smiled, leaning down and trying to wrap his arms around the stranger, being careful not to touch his bare skin. It took a short while; Subaru couldn't tell if he was actually that heavy or if it was mostly the dumb coat weighing him down.   
  


“Oof… is this all? Can we go home now?” he smiled sarcastically at his dog after finally managing to get the unconscious blue boy on his back. 

Daikichi yelped his usual happy yelp and led Subaru back to the trail. 

Thankfully, they didn’t end up going too far, so the trek back to the inn wasn't terrible. Slow, but not terrible.   
  


“You know, Daikichi, this guy could’ve saved us a lot of trouble if he had stayed on the path. Maybe he would’ve come to visit us himself.” Subaru wined, a bit out of breath. 

The stranger looked about his age, and although he didn’t want to get his hopes up, he couldn’t calm the excitement growing in his chest. It’d been too long since he had someone to talk to, to meet, to learn about... Hopefully, he’d be able to keep things under control while helping this guy get back on his feet. He didn’t care who he was or where he came from- not now, at least.

-

A few hours passed, and the day was turning into a dimly lit pinkish orange late evening. He had the hot water on to boil again, and while he still didn’t have tea leaves, he thought something warm with lemon would be better than nothing. He had started some stew too, with what little ingredients he had. Not that he was particularly good at cooking anyway, but he knew the basics of a warm meal. The last of the few vegetables, lemon juice, parsley, salt, pepper, the mix of mystery seasonings he always remembered to pick up when he _ did _ visit town. He didn’t know what was in it, but he knew he liked it.   
He definitely had to go to town if he was going to care for a whole extra person. 

  
With the food cooking on his big, worn-out stove, he started the laundry. He’d already taken the stranger’s coat and tunic off before placing him in bed, but they still needed to be washed. Being at home made things easier, not having to worry about things lighting on fire and all, but Subaru was still careful not to touch his bare skin. 

  
Laundry was easy enough, though. He ignored the rest of his own wrinkled clothes (including the curtains) and just worked on getting everything clean for the stranger. He even shined his boots, mostly out of excitement.   
He just… Really wanted this person to like him, maybe? He knows he’s not very good with people, but he should at least be able to do _ something _ .   
  


He entered the stranger’s room. It was the smallest one closest to the kitchen, and arguably the cleanest. The bed sheets were clean and the windows washed, and the last time he checked it was still free of spiders. 

Placing a clean change of his own spare clothes next to the sleeping boy covered in the best blankets Subaru owned, he tried to make a mental list of all the other things he probably needed. He was never very good at those. 

He sat next to him for a while and just looked at his face. It was really dirty, still, but there was nothing he could do about that right now without hurting him. He had a weird look on his face, like he was having a bad dream too. 

And suddenly, while Subaru started wondering about what mysterious, blue boys who go into rune-rudden forests on their own with no preparation could have bad dreams about, his eyes burst open. 

They were a dark, fragile crystal blue, similar to his own. 

“OH! YOU'RE AWAKE!” Subaru heard a smile in his own voice. 

“Welcome to _ North Town Inn _!” he jumped up and threw his arms in the air. “You’re very welcome! Here's some hot te- lemon water, and soup I made just for you! Please have a relaxing stay, and if there's anything you need please let me know~! I’m Akehoshi Subaru, and I’m happy to be at your service~!” he clapped his hands together, and quickly realized he forgot to breathe.

_ Crap, I overdid it again. _

“Sorry… What?” the blue boy put his hand to his eyes and rubbed his forehead a little. “What's all that noise?” he looked around a little bit, trying to push himself to sit up in bed (and failing).

“I’m in a bed.” he spoke, matter of factly, before turning to Subaru with a blank glare. 

They both sat there for a while, looking at each other in some uncomfortable distance. The blue boy appeared to be still waking up, which Subaru should’ve of course expected. It would've been nice to have _ waited _ until the stranger was awake enough to pay attention to his well-rehearsed welcome spiel. 

“Uhh.. Hello..!” Subaru started again. “Welcome to my inn. Um.. can I get you anything? Umm…”

“How did I get here?” was all he said, the exhaustion still weighing heavy on his voice. Or was that his normal voice? 

“Oh! You knocked yourself out running through the woods outside and dragged you here. I didn’t know if you ran into something _ bad _ or if you just passed out. I’m pretty sure you just passed out though. You don’t seem prepared at all, there’s nothing in your small bag that could’ve helped survive a night in the woods anyway.” 

“You went through my things?”

_ What’s he sound so mad about? _

“Only a little..? I was curious about where you’re from. I didn’t take anything, though.” 

The stranger sighed.

“Alright. Hey, wait, did you say this is in North Town?” 

His eyebrows furrowed a little, but his voice stayed the same. 

“Well… Yes and no. Technically, it’s in the perimeters, but the town itself is down aways. Why? Did you get lost?” 

He pushed himself up immediately, the thick blankets falling beside him. 

Subaru half expected a tale of a quest or a hidden treasure, maybe something dangerous hidden within the short buildings that crowded the town.

“Did you take my clothes?” Blue Boy said, instead.

“Oh, yeah but I couldn’t take off your undershirt or your pants.” 

“... You really shouldn’t do that anyway. Where are they, I get cold easily. This undershirt doesn’t have any sleeves.” He looked around the room some more while Subaru explained the laundry situation. 

“Hmm… So you really pulled me out of there?” He looked down and wrapped his forearms in the blanket.

“Yes. That reminds me why do you wear that freakishly heavy coat?”

“...Thank you.” He ignored the coat question. “I guess I owe you one, Akehoshi, was it? I really appreciate the hospitality, but I have to go. There’s somewhere I need to be.” He moved slowly, gripping the blankets and twisting so he could get a better grip on the mattresses. 

“Hey, wait don’t get out of bed yet-!” Subaru grabbed his shoulder- just for a second. 

Just a small second he forgot. He recoiled immediately, pulling his own arm back into his chest, as if touching this guy’s shoulder was the worst crime he could’ve committed. Despair filled his chest as the panic came back, and his eyes went dizzy for a moment. He waited for the words, that always came next.   
‘ _ What’s wrong with you?!’ _ _   
_ _ ‘Ouch-! You freak?!’ _ _   
_ _ ‘Did your parents ever teach you manners?’ _ _   
_   
“... Are you okay?” the boy said instead, looking at Subaru with a flat expression. “Why are you looking at me like that?”   
  
“I didn’t… Burn you?” Subaru heard his voice crack. He looked down. There wasn’t even a mark where he touched him. When was the last time he was able to…   
He placed his hand on the stranger’s bare shoulder again. He didn’t even flinch.   
Subaru wanted to cry.   
  
“No.” he replied, gently gripping Subaru’s wrist and lifting it off of him. “Your hand is very warm, though, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t-”   
  
“Oh, right, right sorry!” Subaru interrupted, but the boy still didn’t look upset. “Umm… Really though, you should rest.” 

“I can’t. Please, I have to go.” 

“It’s dark outside, I can’t let you go _ now _!” Subaru almost yelled. Was he really that desperate? Just the thought of this guy getting up and walking out was enough to make his voice break. Did he really need this much help?

“Why do you care so much? You don’t even know who I am.”

“Because…”

_ Because I don’t want to be alone. _

He didn’t have a proper answer. 

“How’s this. You eat this soup and sleep and I’ll take you to town in the morning. You’re going there, right? I’ll go with you.” 

“Does that really seem like a good idea? Don’t you have an inn to run?” 

“You wanna pass out on the side of the road this time? People around here aren’t as nice as me.” That was a lie, probably. He didn’t really know the ‘people around here’. Well, not most of them anyway. 

_ The ones I do know would probably be nice to _ him, _ though. He doesn’t seem like the type to- _

“... Alright.” He sighed, without asking anything else. Where’s the part where he calls Subaru a freak? Where’s the part where he tells him to calm down and leave him alone? 

Subaru didn’t understand this guy at all. But he wanted to talk to him. He wanted to learn about him. He wanted to ask why he was wearing all those stupid clothes and where he came from and why he packed next to nothing when traveling by himself. 

He wanted to be his friend. 

Subaru picked up the bowl of stew (which was probably lukewarm by now) and held it in front of him, waiting for the other boy to take it. He took it gently, voiced a small ‘_ thank you _’, and brought it up to his face.

Subaru noticed his fingertips were _ very _cold. 

A subtle, pink glow appeared on his cheeks. Maybe it was warmer than Subaru thought? 

“This is actually kind of good.” Subaru heard him in between sips. “Hey, why are you smiling like that?” The stranger looked at him with blank eyes again. 

“O-Oh, sorry, people tell me I do that sometimes... Hey, umm… What’s your name?” 

Gods, it really has been too long since he talked to people. 

Blue Boy put his empty bowl down and looked into it solemnly, like it had asked him to do some really hard math or something. 

“Hid- Err,, Hokuto.” he replied, glancing back up as Subaru removed the bowl from his hands. Hokuto’s fingers were still very cold. 

“Well, it’s very nice to have you, Hokuto-kun.” Subaru spoke in a rehearsed, almost sing-song voice. “I’m gonna get you some more!” 

“It’s fine-“ 

“Be right back!” 

And as Subaru stood up and walked to the kitchen, the small bowl in his hands still slightly shaking, he silently hoped they both would have better dreams later. 

  
  


The night went on, though, as it did. He brought Hokuto a lot more soup, and even poured himself some. After a while, Daikichi even came in and immediately fell asleep on the floor next to them, listening to them talk. Regardless of the few, calm conversations they had, Subaru learned quite a bit about his new guest. He’s from up north where it snows a lot, and he kept asking Subaru if he had any candy (He didn’t). He was also heading to the Capital for something he didn’t mention, which was apparently completely unrelated to his lack of preparation that ‘wasn’t a lack of preparation at all, Subaru just didn’t understand something-something-or-other’ as he’s put it. Never learned about the obnoxiously heavy coat, though. 

But he was strangely easy to talk to.

They talked together about nothing too important, until Hokuto fell back asleep. 

  
  


Later, after finishing the evening chores and lying in his own bed, Subaru cried to himself for the first time in a really, really long time. 

_ It’s a good cry though, _he smiled at the stars that stared at him through his wide, curtain-less window. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHHHH sorry for reupload ao3 said (angry face) 
> 
> anyway please leav a comemtn i lvoe you :3


	3. spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stranger- the boy with the burnt cloak- suddenly stopped, staring back at Makoto through the slowly growing distance. Makoto didn’t really know what to make of it, but he also couldn’t look away.  
What color are his eyes? What face is he making?  
Why does Makoto feel like he’s seen him before?

_ I’d never seen the ocean before. _  
_ But it was there, right underneath me, swirling with a terrifying torment of blues and blacks and colors I only see in my dreams. _  
_ I want to jump in. Maybe the pain will go away… At least for a little. I’m so tired. _  
_ But I don’t want to drown. _  
_ It’s so tempting, though. The cold, rushing water to keep me warm… Maybe a comfort from the frozen storm that rages above. _  
_ I’ll never know if I don’t try. _  
_ But I don’t want to drown. _  
_ The storm is too strong to bear, though. Blinding and freezing and deafening howling pounding with needles and hammers. _  
_ I want it to stop. _  
_ I want to be warm. _  
_ My legs fell into the ocean, the blues and blacks swallowed me, holding me with the warmth of a mother I never knew. _  
_ It burned, searing off scars I didn’t remember having. _ _  
_I was drowning… But it was warm. 

“Hey, hey you okay?”  
There was a concerned voice that spoke above the foggy whispers, and a pair of bright eyes looking down at him kindly. 

It took a few seconds for him to recognize the stranger in the dim early morning light, and longer to calm down from the panic of not waking up in his own bed. 

He was lying in a trough of flowers, a boy with glowing, crimson hair leaning over him, a heavy hand grasping his shoulder. 

_ Oh, right… _

“Yes, I’m okay… Why?” His own voice sounded softer than he expected it to, and when he went to rub the sleep out of his eyes, his cheeks were wet. 

“You were crying in your sleep. Do you do that often? I thought you were having a nightmare.” Mao removed the hand from Makoto’s shoulder and offered it to him instead. 

“I… Don’t know actually. No one’s told me before.” He took the offered hand, and Mao helped him sit up. The flowers weren’t very comfortable and the smell was irritating, but sleep is sleep. He climbed over to join his new acquaintance on the bench, letting a few dozen tiny flowers fall to the trailside. 

“... Did you wanna talk about it?” 

“Huh?”

“Your dream, Makoto. Was it really bad?” 

Makoto had no idea why this guy would be interested in that, much less actually care at all. But even if every word he said in response was unbearably embarrassing, it’s not like he’d ever see this guy again (once they get to wherever they’re going). 

So he shrugged. “Not really? Umm.. I think I was drowning.” 

“Really… You afraid of drowning?” 

“I don’t think so.” Makoto coughed out a nervous laugh. “Why, is that too cliche?” 

“No-! I mean… You _ were _ crying, Makoto. Kind of deeply, too. I was worried.” 

Worried? Why would this stranger be worried? Not even his family worries about his nightmares. This one wasn’t even that bad. 

Without knowing how to reply, he leaned his hands on the back of the bench and looked at the path behind them. The morning was bright pink, dusted with purples and blues. The clouds were few but low, basking in the same orange-golds as the trees and fields around them, all seeming to wait for the sun to peek over the horizon. 

It was the second morning he’d watched since he left. 

The previous day, though new and adventurous- and mostly spent ducked in a huge pile of flowers- was absolutely exhausting.  
They didn’t stop at all, and driver barely said any words to Mao. Makoto just considered himself lucky that the driver didn’t ask about his sudden appearance upon the bench. They both slept around midday (after having some stale bread and cheese Makoto had sneaked in his pocket before he left), Mao lying curled up across the wagon’s rear bench, and Makoto continuing to doze in the ever dwindling flower pile.  
An easy day, but terrifyingly exhausting.  
  


Makoto decided he liked traveling with Mao. He didn’t really have much to compare it with, but it was strangely easy to talk to him. Throughout the entire time on that wagon he never asked Makoto anything else about sneaking around that night, or about his family. It was, however, hard to think of things to respond with. He’d never thought about his favorite foods or time of day before- no one's ever really asked him.  
Even while not knowing what to say most of the time, Makoto thought the whole thing was… Nice.

  
  


“I think we’re almost there!” Mao broke Makoto out of his small daydream and back to where they were, still sitting on that bench. Mao looked over his shoulder to the deeper woods ahead of him, and Makoto followed his gaze. He couldn’t tell at all how close they were to anything, the greenery became so much thicker and the trail looked like it twisted around too many turns. 

Oh, no, they were barely a day’s drive from the palace. This was not far enough at all. They didn’t even pass through that many towns...

Would he be able to get farther on foot? Would it be possible to get out of the country altogether? Why didn’t he have a better plan- 

“Makoto?” 

“How… Do you know? How can you tell that we’re so close?” Why was his voice still shaking?  
  
“In the note I was sent with, it mentions the town being nuzzled around the clearing of a huge northern forest. I assume this is it? I mean, considering the amount of flowers we have left here.” He laughed, and flashed Makoto this cheeky smile. “And I’m sure we’d probably have more if you didn’t dance around in them so much.”  
  
“E-e-er, w-what?! I’m not dancing!” Makoto’s stutter turned into a genuine pout, but Mao still smiled at him.  
  
“Heh, you’re funny, Makoto. I think I’ll miss you when I go back home.” His voice was soft, but it sounded strangely genuine.  
  
“Right… But don’t forget-”  
  
“I know, I know. I promise I won’t tell anyone I saw you.”  
  
Makoto didn’t know if he _ somehow felt _ he could trust him, or if he just really, really wanted to.  
Because he really, _ really _ wanted to.  
  
“Thank you.” Makoto spoke in response with a soft smile of his own. “You have um… A way to get home, right? Will you be okay by yourself?” It was only natural to be worried about someone who worried for you, right?  
  
“Yeah, I’ll be okay. I… Don’t really know though, honestly. I wasn’t given very clear instructions on getting back but I’m not worried.” Mao slid his hand in his pocket as if looking for something, and looked at the ground pensively. “Yeah…” His voice was a whisper. “I’ll be okay.”

The golds grew brighter, and the true colors of the scene around them made themselves known. The scent of the dewy breeze as the sun rose was absolute magic.  
  
_ This is what life has to offer. This is what I’ve been missing. _  
  
And as the early morning grew into a later one, the two fell into a friendly chat about breakfast foods. Mao talked a lot about pastry breads and candies and things filled with lemon and covered in nuts and all sorts of wonderful things Makoto could barely imagine. He gave his own thoughts on chocolate and strawberries, which he considered the utmost delicacies. Mao also mentioned a salty soup for breakfast, which never really occurred to Makoto as a breakfast thing, but considering how hungry he was at that moment it sounded absolutely delightful.  
  


It was around nine, then, when Makoto interrupted himself in the middle of explaining his favorite way to eat corn to point out a small building they were passing. It wasn’t too small, really, but it was still tucked away beside the forested trees with no other sign of civilization in sight. 

Makoto thought it was a pretty poor place for an inn (if he’d read the sign correctly), but then decided it probably wasn’t his place to judge anyway. 

They pass it without slowing down, though, Mao only remarking on how this meant the town was ‘probably just up ahead’. 

A little further up the road, the wagon passed some people walking along the trail in the same direction- probably toward the same town. They didn’t look like they’d been traveling for a long time, which was curious. The one on the left wore a blank face and a brilliantly bright broach with a matching pin in his hair, as well as a shimmering blue coat and expensive looking boots. It wouldn’t be much to think about if the person walking next to him wasn’t dressed in a dirty vest and cloak that looked half burnt off. Maybe people in the outside world had ways of living and traveling different from the ways he’d read or heard about.  
‘Outside world’. What a way to look at it all.  
Still, there was something strange about them that Makoto couldn’t really put into words. Maybe it was all strange? Not like he had much of a frame of reference. As he was about to shrug it off, though, he accidentally locked eyes with one of the two.  
The stranger- the boy with the burnt cloak- suddenly stopped, staring back at Makoto through the slowly growing distance. Makoto didn’t really know what to make of it, but he also couldn’t look away.  
What color are his eyes? What face is he making? 

Why does Makoto feel like he’s seen him before? 

“H- Hey!” the boy shouted suddenly, and started to run. Not very fast, the wagon was far ahead but not _ too _ far. Even still, Makoto froze.  
  
_ Does he… He couldn’t… _  
  
_ “Stop, hey! _ I need to talk to you!”  
  
Makoto gripped the rim of the bench, silently wishing the wagon could somehow suddenly go faster.  
  
“Hey, Makoto, do you know this guy?” Mao spoke to him with slight concern (and a hint of annoyance) in his voice. But Makoto could only shake his head. He didn’t know him, and he could only pray to whatever gods that have abandoned him that this guy didn’t know him either.  
  
“Please, listen-! I know you! I need to talk to you!” he went on, still trying to catch up to the wagon. And Makoto began to panic.  
There’s no way someone would know him way out here… Unless…  
  
Was it really futile after all? 

But the other person traveling with the burned-cloak stranger grabbed his arm, stopping him, and spoke something that Makoto couldn’t hear. Even though the two had stopped, Makoto couldn’t calm down at all. He wanted them to disappear. He wanted to disappear. 

“_ You don’t understand!” _he shouted back at his friend, angrily, trying to run out of his grip. “I need to talk to him!” There was a burning, crying desperation in his voice. He pointed at Makoto, but he was too far away to see the expression on his face. 

“Hey, calm down alright? We’ll figure something out-” Mao started to shout back at the pair, but something interrupted him. 

There was a loud, sharp _ pop _ of something right behind them. Mao look over his shoulder with a confused look on his face, but didn’t seem to find anything. Before Makoto could voice his own ‘ _ what was that?’ _ , there was another, louder _ pop _. This one though, right next to Makoto’s shoulder, was accompanied by a bright yellow spark, disappearing just as suddenly as it appeared, like an unlighted flame. 

Though the sudden noise made Makoto jump, it apparently startled Mao enough that he lost his balance on the bench and tumbled to the ground. 

Makoto watched Mao get up and dust himself off, finding himself glad the fall wasn’t too hard. But before he could wonder if he really was hurt, a spark _ popped _ right in front of his eyes, forcing them shut. He felt a sharp warmth for a moment, but it didn’t hurt. He still wouldn’t open his eyes, though.

“Makoto, grab my hand!”  
Mao’s voice. He was right in front of Makoto, probably, yelling at him with some weird concern in his voice.  
  
Makoto shook his head. He was _ not _ going to let that stranger catch him. No matter what. He was _ not _ going to go home.  
  


Another _ pop _ burst right next to his ear before softly crackling into nothing, and he felt a flaming droplet of _ something _ on his cheek.  
  


“Grab my hand _ now, _ you need to get off!”  
  
“ _ No!” _Makoto’s voice creaked as he shouted, and he could feel the beginnings of tears in his eyes. 

The popping sparks didn’t stop, though- igniting and dissipating all around him. The noise was overwhelming, the heat almost unbearable, but he was not going to let go of that bench.  
  
_ There’s only one reason someone would know who I am I can’t let them find me I can’t- _

  
_ “Makoto you’re going to get hurt!” _ _  
_

_ “It’s fine!!” _

He felt something tug on the clothes around his stomach, and his eyes burst open. 

Mao, still jogging behind the wagon, reached forward and yanked Makoto off. 

He was stronger than Makoto’s grip on the bench, apparently; Makoto toppled right into him, both of them falling back down to the ground. 

Makoto laid there for a while. The ground was soft and warm. The sparks seemed to have stopped, leaving his ears to relax. He didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to think about anything. He wanted to lay there and disappear into the dirt while everyone he’s ever known forgets about him.

“Are you okay?” Mao’s voice was soft, out of breath, and really close.  


“Yeah…” Makoto heard himself whisper in response. He opened his eyes and slowly lifted himself up off the ground, despite how desperately he wished he didn’t have to. He still sat there as long as he felt he could, trying to focus on the rough dirt under his fingers.  
But as he opened his eyes and looked down to the trail below, he was met with Mao’s, glistening with a strange bright jade, and looking right back up at him. 

Mao looked so different, somehow. It wasn’t really like Makoto had known him long enough to form any proper opinions on how he’s _ supposed _ to look, but there was definitely something odd. 

“...Makoto?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“...You can get up now, right?”  
  
“Oh- Oh, sorry.”  
  
Makoto rolled over, stood (maybe a little too fast), and reached out his hand to help Mao stand as well. 

“Geez, what was that all about?” Mao spoke, taking Makoto’s hand and pulling himself up. He dusted himself off again and turned to watch the wagon go on without them. 

Makoto was just about to respond that he had no idea, when the two strangers appeared right next to them. The loud one had his head down in a low bow. Having them so close already made Makoto’s heart race again, but there was nothing he could do now. 

“I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry really.! That happens sometimes i-it was an accident, are you okay?” the boy with the burnt coat apologized, his head still down.

Happens sometimes? Was he talking about the sparks?  
  
“That’s some pretty heavy magic to just happen on accident.” Mao sounded very bothered, rightly so, though. Makoto had read a lot about magic like that, but he himself wasn’t able to determine if it really was an accident. Not that it mattered anyway, accident or not whoever this guy was got what he wanted.  
  
The stranger, completely ignoring Mao’s statement, looked back up at Makoto with those huge, burning blue eyes; and Makoto got a better look at his face. He had round shining face framed by a wild nest of unbrushed orange hair, and a closer look at his clothes suggested they were a little more singed than he’d previously thought.  
  
But he was familiar. Which was _ not _ a good thing.  
  
Suddenly, with a smile on his face, the stranger put his hands on Makoto’s shoulders. His hands were _ really _ warm, but Makoto was still completely frozen.  
  
“It is you! It really is!” He looks like he’s about to cry. “Do you know who I am?” He leaned forward as if to hug Makoto, but stopped short suddenly, as if he physically couldn’t- which Makoto didn’t think was really a bad thing.  
  
“You’re the person with the soft hands! The one from my good dreams!”  
  
“What… do you mean..?” Makoto was mostly thinking out loud, but his broken whisper was apparently loud enough to hear. 

  
“All the dreams I have!” The stranger continued. “When they stop being nightmares, you’re… there…” His voice calmed a little as his face relaxed, and he shifted his eyes to the ground. “I… don’t know what it means. When I saw you _ here _ I got excited, hoped that maybe you might’ve seen me in yours too. Sorry again..!” he laughed, deprecatingly. 

Makoto didn’t know how to respond, or even if he should. He didn’t know if he should be more or less still completely terrified.  
Because he had to admit, this guy _ was _ familiar.  
But he wouldn’t say that aloud. 

  
“I’m sorry about him. Are you two alright?” The orange one’s friend with the fancy clothes spoke.  
  
“Haha, sure, don’t worry. But I- we better get going.” Mao sighed and turned back to look at the trail towards town. 

  
The way he said that was a little weird. Sure, they agreed to go their separate ways and forget they ever saw each other, and _ sure _ they hadn’t even arrived yet, but… Maybe Mao also supposed it was nice having someone to talk to.  
  
“If you’re going off to town, you should come with us!” Still holding onto Makoto’s shoulders, the boy brought his bright smile back. “My name is Akehoshi Subaru, and this is my friend, Hokke~”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” _ ‘ _ Hokke’ _ sounded _ annoyed, but he didn’t really look angry as far as Makoto could tell.  
Subaru responded with a lighthearted laugh.  
Who were these people…?  
  
“I guess that’s fine.” Mao exhaled with a tired smile. “I’m Mao, and this is-”  
  
“Yuuki Makoto.” Subaru interrupted him.   
  


Yuuki? No one other than his family has called him ‘_ Yuuki _ ’ in years. How did this random person know that name? Or any of his name for that matter?  
  
“O-Oh, do you not like it? I’m sorry!” Subaru’s voice made Makoto realize he probably said something about it outloud. “It kind of just… Came to me. I think it was in one of the dreams, umm… I just now remembered it. Is that weird? Of course it’s weird.” He looked down at Makoto’s hands, and reached out his own for a small moment, before placing it in his pocket.  
  
Makoto didn’t like this at all. He didn’t know what to do.  
  
“Are you… Going to take me home?” Makoto’s voice cracked.  
  
But Subaru answered with his own confused look. “What? No…? I want to be your friend.” His sad smile was apologetic, almost begging. “Unless of course you want me to! I’d be happy to, then!”  
  
“N-no!”  
  
He didn’t know what else to say. Or what to think. He wanted to go away… Somewhere.  
  
“Well, let’s get going then, please.” Mao spoke for him, and Makoto was very grateful to not have to continue this conversation.  
  


And they were off again. Walking didn’t feel too bad after the hours and hours of lying in a wooden trough, but he was a little nervous about his incredible lack of stamina. Gods, he really hoped town was ‘just up ahead’. Nevertheless, he was already way too stressed out, and maybe the slow walk outside would give him time to stretch. Take more of the outside in. After all, it could be a _ lot _ worse.  
They went on, mostly in silence. Subaru kept trying to talk to Makoto about things he didn’t know, like if he liked the stars and which kinds of monsters might show up in his dreams. Though he really didn’t want to talk much, Subaru was surprisingly easy to talk to. And though Makoto wouldn’t admit it to him, he sort of did feel a connection. Maybe it was the small sorrow in his voice. Maybe a repressed memory trying to force its way through the walls Makoto built in his head.  
He was stuck in his head for a while, apparently, and didn’t notice the growing silence until Subaru’s voice rang behind him.  
  


“Hey, I know this book!”  
  
The rest of them turned behind to look at him. He was holding a familiar looking piece of wrinkled, dirty paper. Makoto’s eyes darted to Mao, who was frantically patting his pockets with wide eyes.  
  
“H- _ Hey-! _ ” Mao nearly jumped at Subaru, trying to snatch the paper from his hands. “Where’d you get that?! Don't look at it!”  
  
“I dunno… It was just on the ground. Is it yours?” Subaru handed Mao the paper. It probably fell out of his pocket when they toppled off the wagon… “Sorry…”  
  
“Yes it’s mine, sorry for yelling.” Mao shoved the paper back in his pocket. “Did you see anything else on it..?” They all started on their way again.  
  
“Umm… The letter said your name is ‘Isara’? Should I call you that instead?”  
  
“No it’s fine, it’s just my family name- Hey, wait you said you knew this book? Do you know where it is?!” That was the most excited Makoto’s heard him since they met. 

“Sure! I’d be happy to help!”  
  
Mao responded with his hundredth sigh that day, but this time with a smile. 

As they went on, as did the day. By early afternoon, the path grew cleaner, the wood thinner, and the small group finally arrived at the edges of a busy, open, rustic town. It was cute, in a way; hiding in the middle of a forest, the countless trees cradling it as if protecting it from the unknown shadows roaming beyond. There wasn’t a gate or any kind of fence, though. Just a pair of trails branching off the main road on either side, like what Makoto always imagined rivers looked like. Even though the homes were mostly hidden between the trees that still swamped the left side of the trail, the buildings on the right side were huge and open, spotted between colors and signs and loud voices. There were more people in that little town entrance than Makoto had ever seen at one point in his life. He suddenly wanted to see everything. Carefully, though. He has to remember- as colorful and hidden as it looks, it’s still too close to the capital. 

“Guys, guys! Come over here!” Subaru grabbed Hokke’s hand and started leading them all somewhere through the lively town. Makoto followed, trying not to feel everyone’s eyes on him. Or rather… They _ weren’t? _He was used to people staring at him, expecting him to do something he knew he couldn’t; so his first reaction was to hide from these stares. But it didn’t take him too long to realize that these stares were aimed at Subaru. The people glanced at him with disdain, walking around him like they were scared or disgusted by something. 

It didn’t seem to bother him though, as much as Makoto might’ve expected. Maybe he’s used to it, too? That thought made him a bit sad, but he didn’t know why. It’s not like he really knew this person. So, why isn’t he running? Why isn’t he leaving this group of people behind as he looks for a proper escape plan? Is really still just too scared? 

“Hey, Subaru wait- please, I just need to find this book so I can go home. Can you just… tell me where it is?” Mao interrupted Makoto’s thoughts. 

“Yes! But first you have to come to my favorite shop with me! I haven’t been in months! I’m so excited!” Responding with a glowing smile, Subaru links arms with his friend. “Hokke needs medicine, after all.”  
  


“I told you I don’t have a cold, I’m just not used to this weather-”  


“Then, Sari~ I will get you your rock book.”  
  
Wait, rock book? What did Mao say he was doing here?  
  
“I don’t know what you’re so excited about or why you’re giving me nicknames like we're friends, but if you could just point me in the direction of this town’s library then I’ll be on my way.” Mao suggested with an impatient tone. He sounded a little worried, and Makoto noticed him looking around the town a little frantically. Maybe looking for their abandoned wagon driver? Mao seemed to want to go home as much as Makoto _ didn’t _ .  
  
“Well, I guess you’re right… But don’t you think it’d be fun to be friends? Besides, it’s not in the library. Ahh, this is so exciting… I’ve met so many people today!” He sped up a little, leading the group through twistier trails around the people and colorful buildings that towered around them. Mao only sighed in response, defeated.  
  
But a bad thought was still stuck in Makoto’s mind, and against his better judgment, he made it known.  
“Ma- err, Isara-kun… What did he mean by ‘rock book’?”  
  
Mao looked at him with an expression different from the ones they shared on the wagon. “I… Don’t really know, actually. I just know I need it.”   
  
Makoto didn’t know what was in that letter, and he really didn’t want to. 

  
Something in his heart shuddered.

_ No, it’s nothing. Don’t worry. _

_ I’ll get out of here soon, and I’ll never have to see these people again. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its gonna get good and then you will realize.  
this episode was brought to you by 2 full seasons on the yugioh english dub on netflix.  
i care trickstar Ohhhh i care them so much .  
thank you


	4. worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s usually really friendly, he got along great with the last friend Subaru brought by…  
But then he saw it- clear as day, fastened to the top of the red one’s coat. The Empire’s royal insignia.  
How Hajime managed to miss that the first time was beyond him. Sure, this isn't the first person to come in this shop wearing it, but they always made Mitsuru nervous. And rightfully so.

_ They appear in my dreams more often than not. Some nights the dreams will be sweet; Mother stroking my hair and telling me I’m loved, or Father tending to fields of flowers with my brother and sister climbing on his back. Those dreams are so fragile, like summer snowflakes, but I treasure them. Because most nights, I dream of the snow. I remember the frozen paths that led the five of us past the border as we chased the northern winds to whatever unmapped freedom the land promised. But the snow isn’t scary in my dreams like it was back then. There was a better life for people like us on the other side. That’s what I always thought, and even in those dreams, I remember those feelings. _ _   
_ _ But once again, in the midst of that snow and noise and ice, I am lost. Their hands let go of mine, and the blizzard carries their voices farther and farther away. And there I am, alone, on the wrong side of the border. _ _   
_ _ Every morning, when I wake up from that memory, I think about trying again. Braving the northern borders to find my family. _

_ But I don’t. Because now, I have things to lose. I have another family I want to keep safe. I have another home I can smile in. Another garden to tend to. _

_ Each of us has been lost in a blizzard of some sorts, I think. That’s why we found each other. That’s why I can live here, like this, stuck behind the snow and the border and the law-leiden land that dictates whether or not I’m a real person. _

_ Because I have them. _

Afternoon break called for afternoon tea, and there were few things he enjoyed more than making everyone tea. Their little shop was small, to make room for the garden in the back, but that only meant it could hold the scent of the leaves longer.   
  
Jasmine today. They had jasmine yesterday, too, but if he didn’t steep these now they’d go stale, and it’d be such a waste to not use such fragrant petals. 

The teapot was getting a little worn, he noticed (like he noticed every day), but the milky-white paint had a few chips left, and you could still see the pale pink flowers in a frozen dance around the rims. Also, it still steeped the tea perfectly, so there was no reason to get it replaced (not that they could afford it, anyway). 

It was a gentle silence. He watched the steam rise up between the cracks in the lid, making a note of the sand in the minute-glass. The scent carried, as it usually did, perhaps catching onto the wave of the song he just noticed he’d been humming. 

The minute-glass marked it’s fifth minute and he carefully filled four empty cups, making sure not to interrupt his hum. 

He’s very practiced, he likes to think. Not like making tea is anything special, though.  
Still, he picked up the tray, and carefully walked toward the old white door that led to the back garden.   
However, a creek from the brown door that led to the shop caught his attention. 

“Hajime?” A voice sounded, a little concerned.   
  
“Yes?” Hajime turned around to greet Tomoya, who had just stuck his head through the doorway. “Oh, is it lunch time already? I’m sorry, I didn’t prepare anything yet. I can do that now, if you like?”   
  
“Huh? No, no don’t worry about that, it’s barely noon. The tea smells really good, though…” Tomoya stood in the doorway still, soft eyes looking a little more tired than usual. The white bandana around his ears drooped a little, leaving Hajime to wonder if he should ask to re-tie it. “A-Anyway,” Tomoya continued, “Your friend is here again, he wanted me to ask for you.”   
  
“Oh, someone’s here for me?” Hajime carefully set the fragile tray back down so he could re-tie his own bandana. It was a small, essential habit.   
  


“The loud guy… What’s his name? The uh…” Tomoya made a few quick gestures with his hands around his head. “The orange one. There’s a few people with him, though. One of them is _ really _ pretty.”   
Hajime didn’t miss Tomoya’s exasperated expression turn to a shy smile, a little pink around his cheeks. He almost giggled, seeing Tomoya so easily flustered is always so cute. He’s always so cute…   
  
_ ‘Loud orange friend’ _ can only mean one person, though, and Hajime felt his own expression turn to a soft smile.   
  
“Ah~! Okay, I’ll go greet him! Do you mind taking a cup of tea to Nii-chan for me? He should still be in the garden.”   
  
“Not at all.” 

So they switched places. Tomoya kindly took the tray of tea outside, a few sighs and remarks on how nice it smelled. Hajime remained in the doorway, peeking through to the other side to see the strangers Tomoya had mentioned. 

“Oh geez, that was a long way! Why is this place so far from the rest of the town? Shouldn’t a medicine shop be closer to the marketplace?” One of them said. His hair was a deep wine, muddled by an out-of-place rusted barrette, and the way he dressed made Hajime a little nervous, though he couldn’t point out why. 

“Medicine we don’t even _ need _. Seriously, you need to have at least some priorities. I don’t have time to just run your errands with you if they’re all going to be this far out of the way.” Another one said, a stoic expression hiding brilliant, blue eyes. Hajime had never seen clothes like the ones he wore. The fabric was gorgeous, though. He wondered if he could build up the courage to ask where he got it… 

“Aw, c’mon, guys!” Finally, a familiar voice. “Isn’t this place super cute? It smells so nice and everything in it is so pretty!” Subaru was leaning against the back counter, a bright smile on his face. It’s been a really long time since Hajime’s seen him that happy. 

Mitsuru was there, too, on the other side of that counter, and he didn’t look too happy _at all._   
  
“Akehoshi-san? Hello~!” Hajime decided to make himself known, gingerly closing the door behind him. “What brings you by today? It’s been such a long time!” It has. Hajime knew Subaru didn’t like traveling through that town alone, but he does miss seeing him.   
  
“Shinonon! Hi!” The smile on his face grew a little brighter, and Subaru stumbled up to Hajime quicker than Hajime could react. Although, to be fair, the big warm hug was absolutely expected. “I’ve missed your cute little face!”   
  
Hajime let out an exasperated giggle, adding that to the growing list of current embarrassments. 

  
“E-Ehehe… W-Who are your friends, Akehoshi-kun?” He didn’t mean to change the subject, but it’s been a while since Subaru brought anyone to see him, and he was genuinely curious about these two. Subaru was never been very good at making friends. Hajime never understood why.   
  
“Oh! Right! Guys, this is Shinonon! He and his friends run this shop!” He placed his warm hand on Hajime’s shoulder. He never does that unless Hajime’s wearing a coat, he noticed. “Shinonon, this is Sari, Hokke, and Ukki.” Oh, those definitely weren’t their real names. Wait, three?   
  
Hajime looked around, and there _ was _ a third person. He was taller than the rest, but he had such a small presence, Hajime didn’t notice him at first. In a room that small, especially one Hajime knew so well, it’s strange he’d be able to hide so well. ‘ _ Ukki’ _caught Hajime looking at him though, and flashed him a shy smile, pushing up the frames of these huge black glasses that sit on his face. They were so round and casual, which would’ve been fine had it not been for how fancy his clothes were. It was just a simple green jacket, sure, but the fabric was something rare and special, and even from that distance Hajime could tell those buttons were real gold. But even after looking at all of them, Hajime couldn’t tell which one Tomoya meant by ‘the pretty one’. They all looked pretty fair to him. 

“Oh, hey, where’s Nii-chan-san?” Subaru’s voice broke his small string of thought.   
  
“Hmn? Oh, he’s in the garden with Tomoya-kun. Did you need something from him?”   
  
“Yes! Hokke needs medicine!”  
  
‘_Hokke_’ didn’t look like he was sick. But by the look on his face, he was probably sick of _something._   
  
“Well… Okay, I can go get him if you like? Feel free to look around! I know it’s just one small room, but there’s a lot of nice things hiding!”   
  
Before he could turn around back through the door, a grumbling Mitsuru finally spoke up. He’d been more or less hiding behind the back counter, his brown cap unnaturally fashioned tightly on his head. “No, I’ll go!” He rushed past Hajime and Subaru and pushed himself through the door. He’s usually really friendly, he got along great with the last friend Subaru brought by…   
But then he saw it- clear as day, fastened to the top of the red one’s coat. The Empire’s royal insignia.   
How Hajime managed to miss that the first time was beyond him. Sure, this isn’t the first person to come in this shop wearing it, but they _always_ made Mitsuru nervous. And rightfully so.  
  
“_Akehoshi-san”_, Hajime whispered, as close to his friend as he dared. “_You… You didn’t tell anyone we’re monsters, did you?” __  
__  
_“What? Of course not!” Subaru sounded a little hurt, and Hajime was sure everyone in the room would jump and stare at them after loud the noise he made was. They didn’t even seem to notice, though, each of them just glancing around the room, looking like they were waiting to leave- _especially_ the red one.   
  
Hajime was about to reply to him, something about being careful, but Subaru left his side very excitedly, shouting something about showing everyone his favorite teas. Hajime decided it’s best to ignore it for now, Subaru’s usually careful _enough_. Besides, anyone Subaru would trust this much really can’t be all bad.   
  
He listened to Subaru point out all the different shelves and sections to his friends, not forgetting to mention all the little things that changed since the last time he’s been here. He made a note of dragging Hokke to the cabinet that held the bottles of tea leaves and asking which kinds he liked best (seemed like a lot of the sweeter teas). Subaru got a little distracted with all the new teas, but Hokke surprisingly knew most of them just by the scent, and answered all his questions. Hajime couldn’t help but feel a little envious.   
The other two were nearby too, Sari staring at a sparingly small bookshelf, and Ukki going through their even smaller collection of coats and shawls.   
  
Hajime decided to focus on him instead, maybe being the shop-keeper he’s supposed to be is a little better idea than trying to talk to his easily preoccupied friend. 

Ukki held the sleeves of a long, white cloak in his hands. He looked absolutely entranced by it, fiddling with the hems of the green cuffs and running his hands around the thin tie at the waist.

“Wow… This is beautiful.” He sounded like he was mumbling to himself, but Hajime couldn’t help but feel a little pride anyway.   
  


“Oh, thank you, Ukki-san. I made all the coats here myself. Th-They’re really not very special, though. But they do keep you warm! There’s other coats, like the circle-cut I’m wearing right now, and a few caps in this box.” Hajime tried to show him the box, but those big green eyes didn’t follow.   
  
“Really? That’s amazing! Coats like this are very special, you know. I’ve always wanted one… I’ve read about them in all sorts of old mage books.”   
  
“What, really? But your clothes are already so nice, I assumed you came straight from the palace!” Hajime laughed, but the way Ukki’s face changed was a little too telling.   
  
“N-No… No, I’m not... Hah… A-anyway, how much is this? It’s for sale, right?” He continued to hold the sleeves of the coat in his hands.   
  
“O-Oh, um, yes! That one’s twenty copper, if that’s okay…!”   
  
“Ah… How much is that?” He reached over to the small brown bag resting on his hip and pulled out a dark blue velvet purse about the size of his fist. “Oh, also, my name’s Makoto. You can call me that, if you like. Although… _ Ukki _ is probably better for secrets…” He mumbled that last bit to himself.   
Makoto pulled a handful of something out of the bag and absentmindedly set the bag on the nearby table under a pool of sunshine pouring from the window. Suddenly, hundreds of dazzling shimmering light freckled the room in more colors than Hajime could name. A few jewels of different sizes peeked out over the lip of the bag, calling the attention of most everyone in the room. The lights were everywhere, decorating everyone with purples and blues and greens and yellows, but Makoto seemed more occupied with the small pile of gems he had now placed in his hands. There was an emerald bigger than Hajime had ever seen, a pair of deep, icey-blue and silver earrings, and a perfectly cut crimson ruby, roughly the size of a bumble bee.

  
Hajime looked. And looked again.   
And again.   
But no, no matter how many times he looked. Makoto did not have his ears pierced.

  
“Um, is this enough? Sorry, I haven’t bought many things before.” Makoto held the ruby out to Hajime like it was a handkerchief and not the rarest gem he’d ever seen.   
  
“E-Eh?! Is this a joke? There’s no way that coat is worth this much!” He felt a little dizzy. He wished Tomoya or Nii-chan were here instead, seeing something so valuable being offered in exchange for something so dull made him feel a little sick.   
  
“It’s fine, then. I don’t need it, really! Please, take it.” Makoto placed the ruby in Hajime’s hands. It was cold and heavy. _ Really _ heavy.   
  
Hajime closed his fist around it, like if he looked at it too much he’d get cursed or something. Lowly beings like him don’t deserve such precious gems. “Thank you so much, Ukki-san.” He managed to get out. “This could pay for a month of groceries, especially since the growing cold hasn’t been too kind to our garden.”   
  
Makoto smiled nervously in reply, returning the leftover gems to their bag.   
  
“Geez, Makoto! You didn’t mention how completely loaded you were!” Sari walked over with a smile and slapped a hand on Makoto’s shoulder. He seemed in a much better mood than before, and judging by the stack of recipe books in his hand, he probably wasn’t there for whatever people normally carrying royal insignias wanted with people like Hajime.   
  
“What, really?” Makoto replied, “I don’t really know how much they’re worth, but I’ve been collecting them for a really, really long time.”   
  
“Ukki~! Let me see those again!” Subaru was with them now, having dragged Hokke with him over from the tea cabinet. “They’re so shiny, oh- wow!” He grabbed the bag from out of Makoto’s hands, but Hokke and Sari looked a lot more concerned about it than Makoto did. Hajime made a mental note to ask for all their actual names later.   
Subaru picked up a few out of the bag and held them up to the sunlight one by one, watching the colors dance around the room. He did that for a while, watching the books and the bottles and candles change from color to color, as if this was more impressive than the actual magic Hajime knew he could do. The four of them chatted amongst themselves, finally acting like actual friends. The whole thing was so strange, Hajime thought, but it was really evident how fond Subaru was of all of them.   
He knows he’s a little gullible, but he also knows a real smile when he sees it.   
  
They continued to banter with each other, Sari showing Makoto some of the recipes he found in those books (which he did not forget to pay for), and Subaru asking Hokke which teas he decided to get (spearmint and orange blossom). Subaru tried to get Hajime to join in too, but Hajime knew he didn’t have much to offer them conversation-wise.   
  
Nii-chan showed up after a little while though, all of them shushing up like children when their parents catch them up past bedtime. He looked a little mad, he’s usually only that serious when one of them was scared… Oh, Mitsuru probably told him about Sari. Even with a scowl, and standing as in front of Hajime as he could, he helped Subaru find a medicine quicker than usual. Subaru never liked that Nii-chan was the only one that handled the magic-grown medicines, but this time he had some people with him that knew a little bit more what they were talking about. They ended up with a weather spell, which isn’t really medicine, and as much as Hokke swore he didn’t need it, it probably would come in handy.   
They all left immediately after, waving much fonder farewells than they did greetings. Hajime hoped he’d be able to see Subaru sooner, this time. It’d been a few months since the last time, and they didn’t really get to catch up too much.   
But… He also hoped these new friends would stay with him longer than the last ones. 

-

Dusk, at last. The sun peaked silently behind the western peak, illuminating the land in a soft pink glow, with the moon showing her delicate half-smile by its side. The only noise around him was the soft crunch of gravel beneath his boots. No one would see him on this path, but it’s still important for Hajime to keep those ugly, uncomfortable shoes on. Well, they weren’t really _ that _ ugly, but he’ll probably never like them.   
It’d been a while since he took this path, though, but as clumsy and airheaded as he is, it’s not a path easily forgotten. Just a simple house in the forests near the town, a man who buys gems. The huge red gem hadn’t left his pocket since he got it, but Hajime still took it out to make sure he wasn’t imagining the whole thing.   
The color was barely visible in the growing darkness, but it still sparkled with the scattering light of a deep, clear dusk. He quickly went through the list of groceries in his head for about the fourth time since that afternoon.   
  
There was a sound. Something… Big. Very close by. Was someone watching him? He froze, trying to remind himself that his ears are covered, so if anyone was watching him they shouldn’t have a reason to hurt him, right? (But of course, if they weren’t covered, he probably would've heard whoever or whatever the owner of the noise is sooner…)   
  
“P-psst, h.. Hey,...”   
  
The voice was quiet but rushed. The fur on the back of Hajime’s legs stood on end, and he tightened his grip around the ruby.   
  
“S-Shinonon-kun, that’s you, isn’t it?”   
  
Hearing his name, he sharply turned his head to the direction of the voice. There was a bush, not three feet away, with two glass circles poking out of it. But his heart didn’t slow down until the circles emerged from the bushes attached to a face, which was attached to a tall, familiar figure.   
  
“Oh, Ukki-san..!?” He breathed, “You really scared me! Is something wrong? It’s dangerous to be out this late in these parts, you know.” He placed a hand on his chest and looked around a little more, maybe Subaru or their other friends were nearby. They didn’t seem like it. And looking at Makoto again, he was wearing the hood of the white coat over his head, had a small bag over his shoulder, and a very nervous look on his face.   
“Where are your friends?” Hajime continued.   
  
“Huh? Oh, they’re not really my friends.” He still replied in a whisper, though not as rushed. “Look, I umm… I need your help. I was wondering if I can buy some more supplies from you? I-I couldn’t get these in front of the others… I need um… A map, maybe a bigger bag, a week’s worth of food if you have it.”   
  
“...Where are you going?” Though Hajime only met him earlier today, he didn’t seem like someone who should be on his own. And Subaru was so fond of him…   
  
“North, I think. But don’t tell anyone, please.”   
  
Oh. Hajime could only sympathize, of course, but something didn’t seem right. 

“Are… You sure? The blizzards have been getting worse. I’m sure your friends would help you if you talk to them. Er- I- mean Akehoshi-san and the others. You were all getting along so well, are you sure you’re not friends?”  
  
“No, I-I mean we just met… And they probably wouldn’t understand. Please, I need to get out of this country.” Makoto sounded so sad. But it’s a feeling Hajime and his own friends knew too well.   
  
“Oh, are you a monster too, Ukki-san? I couldn’t tell.” Hajime knew he didn’t have any non-human ears, maybe there was a tail hiding somewhere? Scales along his arms? Hooves or paws under those tall boots?   
  
Makoto sighed in response, averting his eyes, but the moonlight still caught on his huge round glasses. “N-No, it’s something else.. I-I mean a little, but I… I-It’s just really important.”   
  
But what other reason could there be? Hajime stepped forward and took the arm of Makoto’s jacket, and started to pull him along beside him. Luckily, Makoto followed. (Hajime could probably drag him along with his strength anyway, though.)   
  
“I won’t ask if you don’t want to say, Ukki-san. But I understand. Sometimes I think I’d leave if I could, too. I’ll help you.”   
  
With the sun behind the mountain at last, and the dark taking the whole land in it’s quiet hand, the two of them stepped on the crunchy path together. Hajime could sell this gem tomorrow. Sure, he’d have to wait until night time again, but maybe it’s for the best anyway. He looked around, though, making sure he was leading them back the right way. Makoto had taken his hood down, maybe feeling safer in the comforting darkness. His ears were definitely still just regular human ears. Still with no piercing scars. The look on his face was still very sad.   
  


“Being… Being a creature like that really is hard, isn’t it. I couldn’t even tell.”  
  
“Yes, Ukki-san. But you know, a lot of things are hard. In a world like this… Well, I can’t say I know a lot about the world, but I do know that it’s easier with people by your side.”   
  
Makoto didn’t reply.   
So Hajime continued.   
  
“And you know, I meant what I said. If I could leave, I would. But being with Nii-chan and Mitsuru-kun and Tomoya-kun… I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Even a world where I could show my ears.” Saying that felt so warm. It was true, and Hajime probably couldn’t say it enough. He reached over to the top of his head and pulled the knot out of his bandana. His long, rabbit-like ears flopped down beside his cheeks. They were cold, meeting the chill of the night, but it’s so rare that he gets to feel like himself.

“... You’re so lucky to have a family like that.” Makoto spoke gently. “I… Don’t really think I have anyone to miss, if I leave. My brother might be the only one who notices I’m not there, but he’s not even my real brother, so I’m sure he’ll forget about me soon enough.”   
  
“Is that why you’re running away from everyone, Ukki-san?” 

Again, no reply. Makoto is really strange, Hajime thought. There seemed to be a lot he wanted to say, but wouldn’t. The things he did share seemed genuine enough, though.

“Whatever the reason,” Hajime continued, “I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for. I don’t know your story, so I can’t tell you you’re wrong, but I do think you should give Akehoshi-san and his friends a chance. I’ve known him for a really long time. He’s kind and gentle, even to people like me and my little family. He really is an amazing person. I’ll still help you, but I… I promise you, Ukki-san. It’s not a good idea to cross that border alone.” 

The stars came out, joining the distant wispy clouds in their place amists the deepening violet. A soft breeze brought the cold night air another chill, sounding the leaves. The trail thickened, and finally brought the two back to the clearing that housed the little town, and they stepped onto a new trail that led back to Hajime’s little home. This trail had smooth stones instead of the crunchy ones, but the solemn sound was just as sweet. He felt like he should have more to say to his struggling friend. Hajime wasn’t very good at talking, or saying ‘no’, and he really felt maybe he shouldn’t be talking this personally to someone he met just earlier today. But he really wanted to help Makoto. He seems like a good person. Well, most people are good people. Besides, Makoto talks to him like a normal person, and Subaru seems to like him a lot. And… He really didn’t want Subaru to be alone again, either. Hajime wanted both of them to be happy, even if he didn’t really know how else to do it. Makoto should be his friend. Even though Hajime knows those earrings aren’t actually his. Whatever he needed to get away from, Hajime wants to trust that stealing those gems was worth it.   
  
The unspoken night continued along that little path. As they passed the beautiful dimly lit houses and carried on to the far-away piece of land the town left for Hajime and his kind of people, he silently wondered what kind of home Makoto had, if he’s so desperate to get away from it. Maybe he should ask Makoto to stay and have dinner with him and his friends. Mitsuru loves having people over for dinner, and they really don’t get a lot of friendly guests.   
  
“Shinonon-kun,” Makoto sounded still, somehow blending with the delicacy of the night. “I’ll… Stay with them, a little longer. Not too long. To be honest, I’m really scared of being alone. But I’m even more afraid of staying here… But.. Please don’t call yourself a _ ‘monster’ _ anymore. I’ve met real monsters. Don’t compare yourself to them.” 

Hajime looked up at him, trying to see what kind of face he was making. Subaru sometimes said stuff like that too, but Makoto sounded so scary and serious. There was something weird in the reflection of his glasses, though. It was a small, bright and shiny yellow, that seemed to dance on the glass like magic. It probably was magic, the way it contrasted with the rich deep blues surrounding the night.   
  
_ “Oh, gods-” _   
Makoto’s hushed shout broke Hajime’s trance, but before he could turn his head to see what could’ve reflected that golden light, Hajime found himself trapped in Makoto’s arms, face to his chest.   
  
“H-Huh? H-Hey, hey Ukki-san, what’s wrong? Please let go-” Hajime pushed away, which was surprisingly easy. He knew he was stronger than most people Makoto’s size, but Makoto himself was unusually weak.   
  
“N-No! No you can’t look- listen, please-!” Makoto tried to grab him again, placing a shaking palm on Hajime’s shoulder. But it didn’t work, of course.   
  
His little home sat at the end of the trail, burning with terrifying and unrelenting yellows and oranges and thick, thick black. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if happyele wont let the two best enstars characters be bffs ill do it myself 
> 
> once agin id like to thank the yugioh dub i dont understnad why this is the only way i can be productive 
> 
> # stream kipo on netflix


	5. friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does Subaru know who he is? Why is he so familiar? Why does Subaru see him in his dreams? There has to be a reason. These things don’t just happen for no reason. Subaru knew he didn’t think about that too much- about who or why he is who he is- but could that have something to do with him?  
Nonetheless though- answers and unexplainable dreams or not- he wanted to be next to him. He wanted to be Makoto’s friend.
> 
> And he didn’t really know exactly how much until Makoto suddenly went missing.

_ The inn has been my home my entire life. It used to be a home for many others, too. After the war, it was a place of recovery. I don’t remember much, but I remember it always being full of people. Refugees of all kinds gathered, and my mom and dad took care of all of them. That’s what I remember. By the time my dad died, the nearby town had grown enough to give some a permanent place, but my mom still tried her best to get travelers back on their feet. I was still young when she left, too, and I couldn’t keep up. Every day was dark. The fires started, and people stopped coming. I knew the fires were my fault, but I tried anyway. I tried so hard to be welcoming like my parents were. They were always so warm, smiling and laughing with our guests. And I just drove them all away. _ _   
_ _ I don’t want to believe my destiny is to be alone. I don’t think anyone should be. _

He hadn’t been this happy in too long to remember. It was going so well, so wonderfully magically well. The noise in the old rickety halls, the gentle laughter in his normally dusty kitchen. He almost forgot where he kept the extra silverware, it’s been so long since he had friends to share a dinner with. They cooked with him too. Well, Mao did. He wasn’t any better than Subaru, but he seemed to be having a great time going through Subaru’s old cookbooks and trying to find something they had the ingredients to make. Dinner took the entire afternoon, and Hokuto (who seemed to be doing a lot better!) decided to finish Subaru’s chores, which really wasn’t more than making the beds. That dinner tasted better than anything Subaru had ever remembered eating, except for maybe his mom’s eggs. They chatted lightly, not about anything too specific. Everyone was acting like strangers getting to know each other, talking about their day as if they weren’t all there to share it. Subaru didn’t know a lot about people, he thought, but he _ knew _ they were all friends. At least for right now. Just for this moment, they could be friends. It was wonderful. It was everything Subaru had ever wanted, if only for that night. He didn’t mind that, he thought. He’d never been so happy, just sharing this space and this time with these kind people. Everything was warm and bright and the only home he’s known was filled with this unfamiliar noise and a brightness he hadn’t felt in years. He wanted more than anything for this to last longer. Even just a little bit. Realistically, they’d all leave in the morning, and he’d wouldn’t be able to do anything but hope they remember him, and maybe come back one day.   
At least, usually he’d feel like that. But it was different this time. They were all so kind to him, and so easy to talk to. And Makoto… Why does Subaru know who he is? Why is he so familiar? Why does Subaru see him in his dreams? There has to be a reason. These things don’t just happen for no reason. Subaru knew he didn’t think about _ that _ too much- about who or why he is who he is- but could _ that _ have something to do with him?   
Nonetheless though- answers and unexplainable dream magic or not- he wanted to be next to him. He wanted to be Makoto’s friend.

And he didn’t really know exactly how much until Makoto suddenly went missing.   
  
It was approaching dusk. Subaru had just finished cleaning the kitchen, letting the others rest in their rooms after washing up. With a smile still plastered on his face, he went to gather everyone again so they could sit on the roof and watch the stars together. In his head it was the perfect end to the perfect day, and practically skipping through the halls he imagined how much everyone else would love it too. The four of them side by side, maybe with some blankets and hot tea, sharing their favorite stories and legends and maybe some ancient songs. Maybe it would’ve been too good to be true.   
He couldn’t find Makoto anywhere.   
His room was empty, the window open, the blankets still made, and suddenly the leftovers Makoto asked to keep for himself suddenly made sense.   
Subaru panicked. He really didn’t expect this.   
  
\-   
  
“We have to go find him! Wh… Why did he leave? Sari… Hokke… Please help me find him!”   
  
Subaru had gathered them in the hallway, the growing dusk sapping the light from the room.   
  
“Hm… Are you sure he’s not just out back or anything?” Hokuto seemed a little more exhausted than unbothered, maybe that medicine was hitting him a little too hard.   
  
“I don’t really want to get too involved, but…” Mao scratched his chin, a strange look on this face, “I am pretty worried. He was really serious about trying to get as far away as he could as soon as possible. Honestly at first I didn’t know what to think, I mean he doesn’t seem like he gets out much. But if he left now, maybe he doesn’t want us to follow him.”  
  


Subaru didn’t want to hear it. Whatever his reasons, they can’t leave him alone.  
“No, no it’s really bad to be out this late. The woods nearby are dangerous if you don’t know the area, and the corrupt rune-beasties have been getting more aggressive lately.” Subaru spoke, not hiding the panic in his voice. “I’m not going to let him get hurt. There’s bandits and poachers out there, too. Why would he leave...”   
He ushered Mao toward the foyer, obviously not taking any suggestions. “Hokke, please watch Daikichi for me! And answer the door if anyone knocks! We’ll be back soon!”   
  
Thankfully, Mao didn’t seem to object too much to being pushed out the door. He actually started walking on his own, looking about as concerned as Subaru felt.   
“I’m sure he’s okay.” Mao thumped his boots on, following Subaru into the twilight. “He’s a little stronger than he looks, I think. I mean when I met him he’d just fallen out of a building. But you’re right, we shouldn’t leave him alone.”   
  
The two of them start rather briskly back on the path toward the town. Maybe someone had seen him, hopefully he was just on a nice walk, but either way Mao had assured Subaru that he was definitely not headed back the way they came.  
  


They didn’t get too far before slowing down. Mao mentioned a few times that they should’ve brought a lantern, Subaru assuring him that the moon was bright enough. It definitely was, but now that the dusk had turned into a deep, rich, liquid night, he started to get a little worried. He probably could make a little light for them to see if they needed, but he’d rather not accidentally light Mao’s clothes on fire again.   
  
A quickly Increasing thudding noise caught the two off guard, and before they could wonder what the noise was, three very familiar figures appeared in front of them. They were very out of breath, features illuminated by a huge umbrella-like glowing mushroom one of them held.   
  
“S-Shubaru-chin,” Nazuna breathed. “I’m sho glad I ran inta yeu. We… We can’t find Hajime-chin anywhere, is he with you?”   
He looked terrible. Ash and soot stained his normally pale cheeks, hiding his freckles. All their freckles were hidden, actually. Tomoya, the one holding the mushroom, looked more forlorn than Subaru had ever seen him.   
  
“No… We haven’t seen him.” Subaru knew those looks. He knows what ash and soot mean. And for a few short moments he tried to pretend he didn’t. “W-We’re just looking for Ukki… You guys didn’t happen to see him, did you..?”   
  
“No… Do you mind if-”   
  
“ _ What are you all doing?! _ ” Mitsuru shouted, startling the rest of his friends. “ _ He’s right there! You did it, didn’t you?!” _ _   
_ Tomoya dropped the mushroom to grab Mitsuru, who suddenly tried to lunge at Subaru and Mao.   
  
“Hey, hey, Mitsuru calm down, it’s okay-”   
  
“ _ NO! IT’S NOT OKAY! _ ” He was crying now, his voice bellowing in the silence of the night. “ _ IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU STUPID… Stupid… Empire guards don’t care what happens to us!” _   
The volume died down, but he let Tomoya cradle him in his arms, anyway. “That home was all we had… The garden’s all gone, too… _ Why would you do that _ ?”   
He was bawling now, Tomoya gently carding a hand through his hair. They were always so gentle with each other.   
  
“What?! M-Me? I didn’t do anything! What happened?!” Mao looked to Subaru for help. Subaru didn’t have any to offer.   
  
Nazuna spoke up, though, the pained look showing through his stained face. “He knows it wasn’t you, I… It was some guys in the merchant square, I saw them running away, but it was too late. We tried everything, but none of us could stop it. We were all in the garden and Hajime-chin was off on an errand and… Then it was just all... “ He covered his eyes with his hands, taking some time to breathe, maybe.   
  
“You people are evil and cruel” Mitsuru spoke again, voice still broken. “Now everything’s on fire.”   
  
Fire…   
Fire…   
_ Was it me? Did I do something? No- no, I wasn’t there… What happened? Where are my friends? _   
  
He started to run. Not very fast, his whole body ached with a terrifying squeeze he couldn’t ignore.   
This can’t be real. This couldn’t be happening. His little home… Everything he’s worked so hard for… Him and all his wonderful friends.   
  
“What? Why would someone do that?” He heard Mao question, following from behind.  
  
  
_ They do it because they can, Sari.  
_ _   
_ _   
_ Subaru still ran, Mao staying back with the others, who were still a little out of breath from before. They all still followed though, through the long path and into the sleeping town. It was so different at night, not like Subaru had been there often enough to know, though. The lanterns that lined the main street were much brighter than the moon, shining with colors of different users’ different magics. It was all so pretty, he almost forgot why his chest ached. He planned on going all the way to their little shop on his own, he just needed to see it. This couldn’t be real.  
  
_I didn't do anything._  
  
  
Subaru was so focused on running, he almost passed them. But there was an unmistakable blur of blue underneath a softly-lit green lantern, and sure enough, two figures sat gently on a bench outside the library.   
It really was both of them, side by side, dusted in their own share of ash and soot. The two hadn’t noticed him yet, and Subaru just watched them sit in silence, catching his own breath. Makoto was handing Hajime the familiar leftovers Subaru let him keep, an absolutely miserable look on his face. Hajime didn’t seem like he wanted to eat anything, though.   
Subaru ran up to them, finally, kneeling down to meet them.   
They were still silent at first, and seemed only a little started. Makoto was very decisively looking away, and he couldn’t see Hajime’s eyes past his lowered head and drooping bangs.   
“Hey, Shinonon, are you okay? We were all looking for you.” His voice was gentle, and he waited for Hajime to look up before placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t realize how much he, himself, was still shaking.   
Hajime shook his head, but lifted it enough to where Subaru could see red, puffy, tear-stained eyes. He wasn’t sure what else he could do.   
It wasn’t too long until Mao and the others caught up to him. They had exhausted themselves, but the two sitting on this bench in the dead of night in the middle of town didn't seem to have been there for very long.   
  
“Hey, I found them!” Subaru waved over to the others and stood, but didn’t move any further than that.  
  
  
“Hajime, oh gods-” One of them voiced, and Hajime perked up immediately. He started crying again, but he pulled himself off the bench and stumbled over to his friends anyway. Subaru wanted to hug him, too, but he knew he probably shouldn’t.   
“Where were you?” They all said. “We were so worried about you!”  
  
Hajime replied to them in a shaken voice that Subaru couldn’t hear very well.   
  
_ It wasn’t me. _   
  
“Um… Thank you for finding him, Ukki.” He turned to Makoto, who was sitting on that bench like a toddler sent to time-out.   
  
“I-I didn’t do anything. I was just walking him home. But it… It was really bad, Akehoshi-kun. The fire’s out now, but… Everything’s gone.”   
  
“I’m glad it didn’t spread more, at least.” Mao was there now, holding out his hand for Makoto, who didn’t move to take it.   
  
_ It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me this time, I promise. _ _   
_ _   
_ “It was really awful. When we got there the fire was already almost gone, but I can do little shields. I just snuffed it out, but there was still no sign of anyone else. I’m glad Shinonon-kun found his friends. He was really scared.”   
  
“Well, what about you, Makoto? Are you okay?” Mao sounded exasperated, his hand still out and open.   
  
“He was just helping me with something, it’s okay.” Hajime interrupted them, his eyes back to their usual softness, and a smile Subaru was very happy to see worn on his face. “Thank you for everything, Ukki-san.” He bowed a little, his hands still in those of his friends’.   
  
The three of the little ones start chatting with each other very softly, Mitsuru periodically whipping his eyes. Subaru was about to say something, too.   
He didn’t know if that’s why Makoto left, but Hajime isn’t the kind of person to lie. He should’ve at least said something…   
No, there was definitely something else.   
Before he could think about it a little more, or even try to confront Makoto again, a strong voice beside him caught his attention.   
  
“Hey, Subaru-chin, it’s okay, we know it wasn’t you.” He didn’t realize the others could see him shaking, too. “Also, um. It’s getting late, and we don’t have anywhere else to go. The inns in town won’t take us, even if we cover our ears, and I don’t want them to sleep in the open. Do you think…”   
  
“No, of course.” Subaru swallowed a lump in his throat he didn’t notice was there. “There’s always room for you.”   
  
“It’s not like the rumors could get much worse.” Tomoya remarked a little ways away. His hand twinkled with a dull white and a large mushroom appeared on a nearby wall. He picked it off, and the mushroom glowed in his hand like a lantern in his palm.   
  
Subaru wished he could help. He knows he can make lights, too, but these guys have seen enough fire today. The little glowing mushroom is fine, for now.   
  
Mao ended up finally getting Makoto off that bench, and the three of them followed the rabbit-like warlocks back to the inn. The freezing midnight was not a welcome companion. 

\---

  
  


Subaru woke up suddenly, covered in a cold, uncomfortable sweat. He didn’t have any dreams for the first time in a long, long time, but something scary and heavy seemed to weigh on him like a sack of stones on his heart. Everything from the night before raced through his head like a flood, and before he could think about breakfast or changing out of sleeping clothes, he found himself racing through the hallway.   
_ Please still be here. Please. Please. _   
He passed by the room where Hajime and his friends slept, the door still open (but only a little). The smaller ones were all huddled under the same blanket, Nazuna sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed like a mother hen guarding her chicks. 

Subaru decided to stop for a moment and gingerly shut the door, taking a breath before continuing his loud thumping down the hall. The noise was nothing compared to thumping down the stairs, though, his socks nearly made him slip on each step, too.   
This house was suddenly a lot bigger than he remembered. _ Maybe I should start sleeping on the first floor _ …   
A tuft of red hair distracted Subaru long enough for him to not run into Mao, who had just left his own room wearing a nice undershirt and lightly singed pants.   
  
“Oh, Subaru, is something wrong? You look pretty worried.” There was a tired smile on his face, though. “Is there something I can help you with?”   
  
“No! I mean- No, I’m fine, um… Good morning, Sari! I’m just gonna go check on Ukki.”   
  
“Yeah, alright. Um, we should really talk about-”   
  
“I’ll be in the kitchen soon. You guys can go ahead and make breakfast if you want.” Subaru didn’t want to interrupt him, but the heaviness on his chest was getting a little overwhelming.   
  
Makoto’s door was shut, but not locked. Subaru knocked once before entering, but didn’t wait for a response. There was a new white coat folded gently on an old dresser, and the soft green velvety-thing Makoto wore under that.   
He was sitting on the made bed, legs folded neatly under him, and looking solemnly out the window. Golden hair fluttered gently with a breeze the slightly opened window let in, following the rhythm of yellow ruffled cuffs that rested upon the wrists that sat on the window sill. 

  
Subaru resisted every urge to lunge at him and hold him. He wanted to clasp his face with his hands and just thank him for staying. But he didn’t, of course,and instead he walked over and sat on the bed beside him.   
Makoto jumped a little at the movement, his startled face meeting Subaru’s.   
  
“Good morning, Ukki. I’m glad you’re still here..!” He started. Though heavy things were still on his mind, he couldn’t help the smile on his face.   
  
“O-Oh, yeah… Good morning. Um… Thank you for letting me stay here. This bed is nice… I’ll clean everything before I-”   
  
“Huh? Wait, no, don't worry about that. That’s not why I’m here. I was really scared when you left last night.”   
  
“Really?” Makoto’s voice was so soft. He looked like he hadn’t slept much, either. “Why..?”   
  
“I know you don’t want to go home, and… After last night I think I realized how much you didn’t want to, but alone? In the middle of these woods at night? With no preparation? It scared me so much, Ukki. Not even as who you are to me, but you worried all of us.”   
  
“Oh… I didn’t think you guys would notice, honestly. Or at least I didn’t think you’d care. I mean I’m just some guy, right?” He laughed with a nervous smile, not meeting Subaru’s eyes.   
  
“Ukki… Is there really nothing?”   
  
“What do you mean?”   
  
“... Why did you leave last night? I thought… I did everything right this time.” His throat hurt, and he could hear the tears in his voice. How embarrassing… “And you… I… Do you really not know me? Sure, I don’t think we’ve ever met, but I _ know _ you. I do. You’re in my dreams and I don’t know why. Why do I know your name? For so long I thought you were this friend I made up in my head but you’re _ here _ now for me and with me and I don’t want you to go. Please… Please don’t leave me alone. When I saw you yesterday I just _ knew _ you were an answer for me.”   
  
Makoto sat silently for a little bit, breathing softly and staring down at some spot on the blanket. “I… I’m sorry, Akehoshi-kun. You’re so kind to me, and I really do wish I could say I see you in my dreams, too. I don’t want to lie to you though. I don’t know why but you are familiar. And it’s kind of scary. Either way, I…” He closed his mouth and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs.   
  
“What is it, Ukki? You can tell me. Please?”   
  
“You don’t even know me! Why do you care so much if I leave, anyway?”   
  
“But I _ do _ know you! Don’t you see?!” Subaru sounded about as desperate as he felt.   
  
“...I’m sorry. I’m not going to stay here. Y-You’re probably just confused… I’m no good for anyone.”   
Subaru waited for him to elaborate. But there was nothing.   
  
“Then I’ll go with you.”   
  
Makoto looked up at him, gentle worried eyes wide. But before he could finish mouthing a ‘ _ what? _ ’, a hastily loud knock at the door interrupted him. A conditioned excitement rang in Subaru’s chest. A guest? Here?   
  
“Ukki!” He couldn’t stop his smile. “I’ll be back. Please stay, at least for right now. Please.”   
Makoto didn’t respond, but he nodded, and went back to resting his head on his knees.   
  


Subaru stood slowly, looking back at Makoto only once before heading back into the hallway. He didn’t know what to do to make Makoto feel better, but he knew he wanted to try. He was determined, actually.   
  
After he gets this guest settled in, they’d make a plan. Maybe he could convince Makoto to stay for a few more days, maybe he could meet up with him later if he did leave. They’d figure this out-   
  
Subaru ran into Mao again.   
“Oh, Subaru! I was just going to get you, me and Hokuto were trying to make tea but we couldn’t find it. Also, there’s someone at the door.”   
  
“Hmm… Guests usually just come inside, though. I’m just on my way to greet them!” Subaru was suddenly very aware of his current sleep attire. He’s greeted people in worse conditions, though. “Is anyone else in the kitchen?”   
  


“No, just us two. The shopkeepers are still asleep and I didn’t want to wake anyone. I was just going to ask Makoto to join us, though. He doesn’t seem to eat too much.”   
  
“Mm, yeah that’s a good idea. I think he could use some warm tea, too.”   
  
They step into the kitchen, just across from the foyer, and see Hokuto holding the door open for someone unfamiliar. Subaru _did_ ask him to answer the door if anyone knocked…   
The guest was very dignified looking, Subaru thought. Tired eyes, long hair messy from traveling, probably. It still looked very nice, though. Deep violet, tied in a red string, draped over his shoulder. But thats when Subaru saw it- the shiny gold insignia of the Empire clasping a deep maroon half-cape.   
  
“Oh! Isara-dono, I did not expect to see you here.”   
  
“E-Eh? What’s wrong? Did something happen with the boss? Do you need me to come back?”   
Mao seemed really excited to see this pretty purple guy, Subaru decided it made sense that they knew each other, though.   
  
“Pardon? Nay, I did not know you were here. I am on a quest of my own, currently. _ Hasumi-dono _ is a… ‘Mess’, right now, and I have offered him my assistance. Oh, please forgive me! I forgot to introduce myself.” He placed his hand on his chest and bowed in Subaru’s direction. “Apologies for barging in on your fine establishment, sir. Th- this is your establishment, correct?”   
  
“Yeah..” Subaru almost didn’t notice that he still didn’t introduce himself.   
  
“Ah, excellent! There seems to be a wanted man wandering about, and as a loyal servant of the Empire I implore you to inform me if you have seen… Erm… Where did I place that thing… This person anywhere nearby.”   
It was a basic painted picture, folded very neatly and pulled from a hidden pocket. Though hastily drawn and colored, it didn’t really seem like any kind of wanted sign.   
But oh, Gods, had Subaru seen that person.   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'why did this chap take so long' literally didnt think i would have to put the yugioh dub on again but i was wrong. 
> 
> bro i lvoe trickstar im going to eat sand!!!!!! WOOHOOOO GO WAY


	6. lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It felt awful, trying to imagine the nightmares Makoto must live with to cry like that. He remembered the sparkle in Makoto’s grassy eyes as he hovered over Mao after falling off the wagon, and the pink in his cheeks as he reached his hand to help Mao off the ground. The warmth of that hand was suddenly very present.  
Mao didn’t know what to do.

_ I’m sitting in front of myself. I’m not scared, but I’m tired. The face staring back is tired, too. _

_ I notice the carved edges of a wooden mirror framing the other me. _

_ I suddenly feel very alone. It’s dark, everything is cold, and the me in the mirror still looks tired. _

_ His light is warm, though. But he looks at me like he doesn't know that I am cold and alone in the dark. I lift up my hand to touch the mirror, but he doesn't follow. _

_ He just stares at me, the green in his eyes fading away. _

_ Behind him, I see my family. My sister is sitting on the floor of a room I haven't seen in years. She’s smiling, happily drawing with paints and charcoals she hasn't touched in a decade. My father is there, cooking a meal, happily waiting for my mother to come to the dinner table. _

_ “Go sit with them.” I hear myself say to my reflection. _

_ They're all sitting down now, smiling and laughing, but I can't hear the words they say. I can't remember the words they say. _

_ “Go.” I say again. The me in the mirror does not move. He just looks back at me, those tired eyes cracking with the glass in the mirror. _

_ “Go.” I yell. “Move.” I plead. _

_ “I don't want to.” He says to me, lips barely moving. “They are happy. I am happy.” _

_ The mirror grows another crack. It’s alright. _

  
  


He woke to the familiar scent of dust. For a moment, it felt that nothing had changed. 

But the room was too bright, and the bed was too soft, and the usual weight of unfinished work was missing. He didn’t particularly love his job, but the sudden change in scenery and chores was something he needed to get used to. Hopefully not for long, he should be home soon enough. It was already the third day, he should be on his way home by now, right? What will he do if he’s too late? What will happen if they replace him?   
Pulling himself out of bed, he finally noticed the burns on his sleeves and pants. They were probably leftover from the day before, when those popping sparks shocked him off the wagon. Gods, it would’ve been nice to take the wagon home, too.   
_I definitely don’t miss those flowers, though._  
  
After pushing the thick blanket back to where it was, he stood in front of a dusty mirror to further inspect the missing and burnt parts of his clothing.   
He tried not to glimpse too closely at his face. The dream was still fresh in his mind, but at the same time there was a subtle comfort in the familiarity of the dark bags under his eyes. It’s just who he was. Tired, kind of short, an old hairpin holding his bangs up, and growing frown lines.   
_But it’s alright._   
  
Without knowing how else to start the day, he left, wracking his brain for chores he could probably do. It was almost a habit. But this is who he was. Tired, kind of short, always willing to serve.   
  
The immediate morning was pretty uneventful, he ran into Subaru almost instantly, who seemed in a bit of a hurry for someone still in his socks and sleep clothes. He met Hokuto in the kitchen, who had changed into his daily clothes, but without the glimmering coat. Mao hadn’t noticed the pink skirt before now, it looked nice on him.   
  
“Oh, Isara, good morning.” His voice strained a little as he stretched to reach a high-up cabinet. “Do you know where the tea is? I know we picked some up yesterday.” He spoke to Mao as if this was their house, and they weren’t just strangers rummaging through some guy’s kitchen.   
  
“I’m pretty sure I saw you put it away yesterday.” Mao laughed, reluctantly joining his search. There were a lot of weird things; charms, stones, pieces of glass, coins, broken keys, a doorknob, and even a few gemstones.   
  
“Look at this plate.” Hokuto spoke a little bit to Mao’s left, his voice muffled by his head still being shoved in the cupboard. Pulling himself out, he held a beautifully painted ceramic serving plate in his hand.   
  
“It’s um… Really pretty?” Mao didn’t know if they were still looking for tea.   
  
“Isn’t it? My grandmother has one just like it.”   
  
Before Mao could process a reply- it was admittedly very sweet- there was a loud knock at the door. They both looked at each other with a little bit of worry, suddenly realizing they were, in fact, rummaging through a stranger’s kitchen.   
  
“I’ll um… Go grab Subaru.” Mao awkwardly shut the drawer he’d opened and exited, leaving Hokuto to put that plate away and answer the door.   
  
The hallway wasn’t very long, and Makoto’s room wasn’t too far down. He was pretty sure Subaru was still there, at least.   
As if summoned, Subaru ran right into him, coming out of absolutely nowhere.

  
“Oh, Subaru, I was just going to get you. Me and Hokuto were trying to make tea, but we couldn’t find it. Also, there’s someone at the door.”   
  
They had a small chat on the way back, casual morning greetings, but Mao wondered why Makoto hadn’t joined them. He probably still wasn’t feeling well after the night before. Mao decided to bring him some warm tea (once they find it).   
  
They step into the kitchen, a perfect view of the foyer, and see Hokuto holding the door open for someone very, very familiar.   
At first, it felt like a godsend. His prayers have been answered, he’s been called for something important and had to go home immediately. One of his boss’s best men was standing there, very professionally, waiting for something. Waiting for Mao, maybe? So he could go home? Please?   
  
He made that known, apparently, because Souma replied with a ‘ _ no, actually, I didn’t know you were here’. _ Mao didn’t feel as crushed as he thought he should be, it definitely would've been too good to be true.   
But Souma got to the point of his visit quickly; after exchanging a few words with Subaru, he pulled out and unfolded a small portrait painting. Mao really, really should’ve known, but for some reason it never crossed his mind.   
  
“..I implore you to inform me if you have seen… This person, anywhere nearby.”   
  
It was Makoto, unmistakably, though the artist decided not to paint his glasses, because at the same time it looked nothing like him. Mao only knew by the same sad face Makoto always wore. It upset him a little, knowing _ that _ is how he recognized Makoto. His shy smile is so soft and kind, it hurts that it’s so rare to see.   
He kept looking at it though, hoping he might be wrong. Why? Sure, Mao had only known this boy for three days, there shouldn't be anything stopping him from answering the question. It was a simple ‘ _ Yes, I’ve seen him, he’s actually here right now’, _ but he just couldn’t form the words.   
It might’ve been the pain in his stomach. The ache in Makoto’s voice as Mao remembered his various “ _ I don’t want to go home” _ statements. Maybe it was the ‘ _ Makoto, I promise I won’t tell anyone I saw you’ _ that left his own mouth more than once _ . _ Or, more directly, the stare Subaru shot him from across the room. His blue eyes were burning, staring so intently at Mao he felt more intimidated in that moment by this extravagant orange host than his own boss, who would be absolutely infuriated if he ever found out Mao was holding information from him. Especially something that sounded important enough for him to send one of his right-hand men.   
What would Subaru do? What would _ Mao’s boss _ do?   
  
“Oh, yeah, I’ve seen him.”   
  
Mao’s voice shook with the words, trying to get Subaru’s burning glare out of his mind. Why did his body ache so much? This is the right thing to do, right?   
  
“Really? Excellent! Do you happen to remember where?”   
  
“I…”   
  
In the corner of his eye, Mao could still see the look on Subaru’s face. It had changed a little, the burning eyes softened to a terrified rage. Mao turned away as much as he could. Why? He didn’t even know these people. Even Hokuto wouldn’t meet his eyes. He’d sat down at the table without making tea, Mao couldn’t guess why. Why wasn’t he saying anything, either?   
  
“Isara-dono? Is everything alright?”   
  
What could he say? This guy is just down the hall? What would happen? Besides, if he heard this conversation, Makoto would’ve definitely tried to leave anyway. Can someone else speak? Can someone else say something? Why does it have to be Mao?   
Why is it so hard? It’s his job, his _ life _ , his family, his responsibility, and yet… Makoto’s face from the first morning lingered in his mind. His tossing and turning in the flower trough, the tearful pain that fell in soft, exhausted cries. It felt awful, trying to imagine the nightmares Makoto must live with to cry like that. He remembered the sparkle in Makoto’s grassy eyes as he hovered over Mao after falling off the wagon, and the pink in his cheeks as he reached his hand to help Mao off the ground. The warmth of that hand was suddenly very present.   
Mao didn’t know what to do.   
  
“We, um… Well, we were together in the marketplace yesterday, but we split up afterwards.” Not a lie, technically. “He mentioned a few times that he’s trying to go north across the border… If it’s the same guy, at least.”   
_ Gods, Mao just tell him. Everything you’ve worked for is on the line. They’re counting on you. _ _   
_ _   
_ “May I ask why?” Mao continued, hoping no one else would notice the crack in his voice. He knew he should just mind his own business. There’s no reason to care. So why does he?   
  
“Is he um… A jewel thief?” Hokuto finally spoke up.   
  
“Hm… I am truthfully not sure, I apologize. No one at the palace seemed to know exactly who he is, and the only information I received from Hasumi-dono is that he’s _ very important _ . Though, I suppose it is possible that he could be a thief of jewels.”   
  
_ Oh, very specific Hokuto. Not like I’m losing my mind over here. _ _   
_ _   
_ But, if Makoto really is someone so important, Mao should say something. As a servant. As a pawn.   
Right, that’s who he is. Tired, kind of short…   
  
“Hey, actually-”   
  
“ _ Actually- _ I also saw a guy like this in town yesterday!” Subaru interrupted loudly, perhaps finally gaining his composure. “If he’s heading north he’s probably looking for a map! There’s a library and some more inns in town, and maps are hard to find, so he’s probably still there!” There was an annoyed smile on his round, freckled face that screamed for _ this guy _ to get out of his kitchen.   
And if he’s being honest, Mao was getting a little overwhelmed from the situation as well. He just wanted it all to be over. All of it.   
  
“Ah, truly? I shall go visit the library, then. You all have my thanks for your cooperation.” Souma bowed a little, a polite smile on his face. He didn’t really seem like he wanted to be out and about either. “And Isara-dono, I do wish you luck.”   
  
“Aha, yeah… You too.” Mao managed a little wave before the door was shut, leaving the three of them alone in a silent hallway between an empty kitchen and a dusty foyer.   
They all stood there, for a moment, a second, Mao could feel the tension in the room pushing on his lungs. And as he finally exhaled, Subaru sprinted down the hallway towards the rooms, knocking a chair down in the process. Before he could process a reaction, Mao found himself following him, his socks loudly announcing his steps against the wooden floor. He almost slipped trying to stop at Makoto’s door (which Subaru had swung open).   
Mao stood beside Subaru in the doorway, the racing in his heart becoming more and more annoying.   
  
“Is… Is he in there?” Hokuto was suddenly beside him, seemingly also a little out of breath.   
  
“Yeah.” Subaru breathed. “That window doesn’t close from the outside.”   
  
Mao thought it was a little funny, this guy being so troublesome. That same window was wide open just the night before, and now here they were again, looking for the same person.   
  
“You’re in here, right? Ukki? He left, so…Come out, please?” 

He sounded so confident about the window being shut, but Mao didn’t miss that weird whine in Subaru’s voice. _   
  
_

No reply. 

It seemed like forever. Just waiting, listening to the clock on the wall outside make the most obnoxious ticking Mao’s ever heard. 

Just as he was about to raise his own voice, Mao saw a small tuft of gold peer out of the closet on the far wall. 

A familiar, sad face followed. 

Makoto had a similar presence to the night before, hunched over like he didn’t have the right to be in the same room as them. 

Mao decided he didn’t like that expression on him. 

No one said anything for a while, still, but Subaru looked a little bit like he could have cried. It’s been hardly a full day since the last time this happened, but even Mao felt more relieved than anything. 

“So…” Hokuto started, pushing his way past Subaru and into the room. “What was that all about?” 

“It’s okay!” Subaru spoke up beside him. “You don’t have to say anything! We know you didn’t steal those gems!” He brought his smile back, but still didn’t step any further into the room. 

“No… No, there’s something else, isn’t there? People aren’t kept secret for being thieves.” Why was he talking. Mao didn’t care, right? “Makoto, I know your life is your own business but this is serious I mean- I’m not going to get involved, but you should be aware of what kind of situation this is, yeah?” 

“Hey! Sari, be nice!” 

“I am! You should take this more seriously too, Subaru! You know what- I don’t care just _ please _ tell me where the book is so I can leave and pretend none of this just happened.” 

Subaru glanced at the ground a little, before finally taking a few steps forward to pull Makoto out of the closet. 

“Is that why you want to leave, Ukki? Because these people are looking for you?” He held Makoto by the shoulder, trying to guide him more towards the others in the middle of the small room. 

_ What?! Did he not hear anything I just said?! _

Makoto peered at them, though still not meeting any of their eyes. Despite being taller than Mao, he seemed so small right then. 

He nods a little, takes a few breaths, and replies. 

“Yeah… Yeah. I’m um… Really not very important. I’m just _ involved _ with something kind of important I guess i-it’s really… I just don’t want to be _ involved _ anymore so I left. I… Um. Thank you guys, for not ratting me out.” He tried to smile for a second. It was small and shy and a lie at best but Mao caught it. Instead, Makoto settled to hold his arms together, rubbing his thumbs on his elbows. “If I go now y-you probably won't get in trouble. I’m really sorry for everything.”

“What are you talking about? We’re going together, remember?” The brightness in Subaru’s voice had somehow returned, as if he just didn’t care about anything but this.

“Eh?! Subaru, you said you’d show me where that book is! You meant that, right?!” 

Subaru looked over to Mao, and opened his mouth as if to speak. But instead of speaking, Mao saw the expression on his face change from these worried eyes to probably the most excited Mao has ever seen him, and if that smile could’ve banished all the darkness from that room it definitely would have. 

“Sari! You’re a genius!” 

“... Huh?” 

“Oh! Right!” He clapped his hands together, “We can all go together! It’ll be so much fun! I’ll go grab a map-.”

Mao’s heart dropped as Subaru pushed Makoto out of the room. Makoto looked a little too distraught to resist, and Mao felt a little too distraught to follow. He supposed it’d be hoping for too much for the book to be in this building, but if _ going with _ means _ going with Makoto _, he’ll probably have to spend a few more nights away from home if they’re going anywhere near the border. 

But as Hokuto turned around and followed the noise of Subaru and Makoto’s footsteps, Mao decided he still didn’t want to be left behind. 

“Hey, Hokuto,” he called out, matching Hokuto’s steady pace. “I can probably guess why Subaru didn’t say anything, but why didn’t you?” Mao only reminded himself he didn’t actually care after the words came out of his mouth. 

“I can ask you the same.” Hokuto shrugged in response. “You’ve made yourself known as a servant of the Empire, and servants of the Empire, including your friend, are not my enemy- though they do not have my trust. I do not know why you, wearing that emblem, would lie, but I do know I misjudged you, and I apologize for that. The Emperor and his tools are destroying everything. I will not help them.” He didn’t even glance towards Mao, he just carried on with that cold glare on his face. But at the same time, Mao felt nothing ill from those cold eyes. It was a little comforting, probably just reminding him of similar cold eyes a certain good friend usually wore.

“Besides, Makoto’s nice.” 

“Yeah… Wait, what do you mean-“

“OKAY~!” Subaru interrupted, the volume ripping Mao out of his own head. 

They were in the kitchen again. Makoto seemed a little more like he’d calmed down, his face had softened and regained some color. Subaru, standing next to him, had unfolded this huge map and spread it down across the table. 

The entire empire lay before them, poked with small pin holes and covered in what looked like colored wax crayon markings. 

“Here it is!” Subaru pressed his finger down on this bright red smiley face drawn on a tiny piece of land below the southern border. 

“There’s no way… Please tell me you’re joking.” Mao could barely get the words out his mouth was so dry. It was weeks of traveling at least, maybe even a few months on foot. He refused to believe it, begging with every fibre of his being that this whole thing was some kind of prank someone set up. 

“There’s a library there. My friend traded me something really important for that book, apparently he has a big book collection. I’m pretty sure he still lives in that library, but I haven’t seen him in a while…” Subaru’s cheeks were a little pink, Mao not missing the slight softness in his voice. “Either way, the book will definitely be in that library.” 

“So… So I have to go all the way _ down there? Seriously? _”

“Yup! And me and Ukki will go with you!”

“E-Eh?!” Makoto still sounded so surprised despite Mao hearing Subaru say they’d be going together _ many times. _“R-Really, I’ll just slow you guys down… It’s best if I go on my own.”

“Aw, c’mon, Ukki! It’s south of the border! You just need to leave, right? It’s perfect! Hokke, you’re gonna come with!” 

  
A whole caravan of trouble was not what Mao had in mind when sent on this mission, but at this point he didn’t really have any other options. He’ll never be able to come back without that book, and at that moment it seemed better to push through what seemed like the worst journey of his life than admit defeat and be exiled anyway.   
_ Exile is a little harsh, right? Right? _ _   
_ _   
_ “Alright, Akehoshi. But only for a little while, I still need to get to the capital. I suppose it’s better to travel in groups down here.” That was… Unexpected, somehow. Though Hokuto’s excuse was pretty sound, even if it was an excuse. He didn’t really seem like the kind of person used to traveling, just judging his attire alone.   
  
  
As Mao channeled out Subaru’s excited cheers, he found himself watching Makoto, who still appeared absolutely exhausted, yet somewhat relieved. He started folding the map back up, thin fingers delicately trying to make sense of the erratic fold lines.   
Mao found himself feeling a little relieved as well, he supposed he liked traveling with Makoto. He _ is _ nice. And easy to talk to.   
And a wanted man with secrets no one knows.   
  
But that’s not Mao’s business. What he doesn’t know _ probably _ won’t get him in trouble.   
  
He sighed, trying to make some plans in his head. While he didn’t have much to pack, they should probably take some supplies and food with them. He’s pretty sure Subaru wouldn’t mind if he took some of the blankets off the beds, they’ll probably still fit in the big-bag.   
Mao didn’t have a lot of magic to call his own, but if he could make the bag’s space bigger he would definitely like to.   
  
“Well, we should leave before it gets dark then, yeah?” Mao sighed, turning to Subaru, who was preoccupied with wrapping his arms around Hokuto in an excited hug. 

  
“Yes.” Hokuto responded, seemingly only a little bothered by the arms around his chest. “We should start west to avoid any main roads, and circle back south and around. I’ll get myself to the capital from there.” There weren’t a lot of roads this close to the border anyway, but Hokuto was probably right. If they wanted to avoid another confrontation, avoiding the main roads is essential, even if it’ll take… So much longer…   
  
“Sounds good, Hokke! What should we pack? Oh, we should probably eat first, it’s still breakfast time!” 

The mood of the whole room had changed for the better, and though he couldn’t help but be a little anxious, somehow things felt a bit less awkward. As the morning went on, the lack of curtains (had this place always been missing curtains?) had illuminated the place into a brilliant dusty gold. It felt like the place was magic in itself. There was something so special, as if out of nowhere, just in those sudden moments, that made Mao wonder if he really should ask Subaru to pull himself from this place, just for him.   
He really had to find a way to pay him back some day, if this whole thing works out.   
  
“I’ll go prepare breakfast if you guys wanna wash up. Hokke, if you still wanted to make tea, it’s just in the cupboard. Er- you know that I’m pretty sure you put it there actually.” Subaru spoke aloud, pulling a shallow ceramic bowl out of a drawer and placing it on the floor. Oh, right, the dog. Where’s he been?  
  
  
“Ah, Akehoshi-san, I can make tea if you like.” A quiet voice sounded from the entrance to the hallway, all four of them turning to greet the little noise. Hajime stood, very patiently, sweetly, fully dressed to start his day, ears tucked under that bandana, and tall boots pressed firmly together.   
  
“Oh! Shinonoooon~ Good morning! I’m glad you’re here, would you guys wanna watch the inn for me while me and my friends leave on a big adventure?” Subaru didn’t waste any time, apparently.   
  
“E-ehehe, well, umm…” Hajime let out a light, nervous laugh.  
  
  
“It’s okay, Hajime-chin, I’ll handle this.” Nazuna had appeared right next to him as if out of nowhere, similar clothing and spotless tied shoelaces. “Actually, Subaru-chin, we overheard you talking and um… We’re going to go with you.”   
  
“Really?” Subaru sounded shocked, his bag of what looked like dried meat bits spilling over a little.   
  
“Maybe not together all the way, there’s a few things I have to check on, but me and my kids have decided it'll be worth trying to get south of the border. We’ve never had a means to go, but… I think our current situation is a good enough reason to find a new home.”   
  
Judging from Subaru’s responding silence, he probably hadn’t thought about that. He looked kind of sad, just holding that burlap sack of dog food in his hands, not even calling the dog.   
  
“Akehoshi-kun…” Makoto spoke up, having finally finished folding the map. “Will this place be okay? Are… Are you sure we should do this? I know it means a lot to you.” Makoto sounded so sure, like he knew something Mao didn’t. Maybe it was just another one of those weird things. Mao wasn’t sure how he felt about the way they all met but it was definitely weird and if weird things are going to keep happening with these two he should probably figure out how to process it.   
  
“It’s… It’s okay. I didn’t really realize at first, and I shouldn’t expect you guys to continue living in danger for me. Maybe it is for the best, right? This place has held empty halls long enough. I’m sure it’ll stand.” He continued on with this breakfast chores, pulling out things Mao couldn’t name, and finally remembering to call for his dog. His mood improved rather quickly though, greeting everyone with a formal morning greeting and finally, finally finding where Hokuto put the little box of tea leaves.   
  
Mao couldn’t understand why Subaru was so ready and willing to give everything up for a mysterious fugitive, or much less someone like _ Mao, _ who didn’t really seem like everyone’s favorite person. He really just needed the map to be on his way, though there was the _ finding _ the library, not to mention the book amongst this ‘big collection’, and there was a long stretch of sea to cross, but he could probably do it, right? It’s not like he wasn’t used to working alone. He didn’t want to be a burden to this guy, but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like the only way things could go back to normal. He could go back to ignoring that festering, terrible guilt that swirled in his stomach with every moment he sat at his old, dusty desk.   
Because as much as he’d like to tell himself otherwise, Hokuto was right. The Emperor and his tools were ruining everything.   
He got his hands on something bad, and he needed this book to do something with it, right?   
  
_ And I’m going to bring it to him. This is just my role. _

  
“Eh, before we go, Subaru-” Mao called out, mostly trying to interrupt the thoughts in his own head. “Do you think I could borrow some clothes? These ones are a little… Singed.”   
  
Subaru looked over to him and responded with a gentle smile and a lazy laugh. Mao thought it wasn’t such a bad thing to have to get used to.   
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was so fun "if i cared friends. i dont care them because i did. no i didnt <3"
> 
> We have finally reached the end of our exposition! (yaaay!!) the chaps after this are finally gonna dig deep into the plot and the lore and i am so so very excited to share it with you all.  
next chap is a small interlude featuring... some new charas 8O !!  
thank you all so much for the continued support! 
> 
> YES i will provide a drawn map soon 'will it be subaru's crayon map' Maybe :)) 
> 
> i am streaming tales from topographic oceans rn (i suggest u do the same)


	7. interlude i : brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No. This wasn’t about him.  
He could take care of himself. Makoto can’t. He can’t do anything. He doesn't know anything. He’s a weak-hearted boy that can’t do anything himself and maybe if Izumi had protected him or listened to him or maybe not have given him terrible advice he’d still be here, safe within the walls of the palace. But he could never, and will never tell anyone that.

  
  
_ It’s a memory that replays from time to time. Sometimes in dreams, sometimes not, just another annoying reminder of how useless I am. _ _  
_ _ He came to me, as he always did before, because I always knew what to do. _ _  
_ _ But I never did. I just let him believe that I did. He would smile, this kind and gentle smile that was worth more than anything in the world, and tell me he felt a little braver. _ _  
_ _ I lived for that. _ _  
_ _ But it was always a lie. _ _  
_ _ He was always a coward, but I guess in a sense, so was I. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ‘I don’t want to go back!’ _ _  
_ _ His voice plays in my head, the same brokenhearted cry I ignored. _ _  
_ _ ‘Eh? But you have to?’ _ _  
_ _ ‘They keep hurting me, Oniichan… I don’t want to go.’ _ _  
_ _ ‘Well… You should always do what the adults tell you, right? You’ll be rewarded with good things if you do what the adults say.’ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Why was that all I could tell him. Why was I so sure? Why didn’t I listen to him. Why didn’t I believe him. He was scared and he came to me. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ‘You’re just not very strong, Yuu-kun.’ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I never told him I’d be there to protect him. I never told him not to be scared. _ _  
_ _ Even after I found out what they were doing to him. I didn’t stop them. _ _  
_ _ He had all he needed. He was safe. _ _  
_ _ And now, he… _

  
  
Everything Makoto possessed was thrown about his room. It wasn’t like Makoto owned much to begin with, but it was still an annoying mess. All that seemed to be missing, besides Makoto himself of course, was his pair of back-up glasses and whatever was in the empty box sitting in the bottom shelf of his dresser. Should he even know all the things Makoto owned anyway? It’s not like he visited often enough. The lower depths of the palace were always such a drag to get down to, and it’s not like Makoto ever wanted to see him, anyway.  
  
_I should’ve been there for him sooner. I should’ve listened. __  
__  
_“Ehhh… Are you sure he’s even gone?” Arashi speaks up from somewhere behind him. “He could just be hiding in the castle again. It is pretty big.” She was delicately folding his clothes and placing them on the bed, probably due to Izumi still standing in front of the dresser. It didn’t take long for her to finish, Makoto only had like, maybe three different things he wore. “Where would he even go?” She continued nonchalantly, like this whole thing wasn’t a complete disaster. Like Makoto’s just going to pop up out of the closet and laugh and say _‘Haha! Fooled you guys!’ __  
_What a joke. He hasn’t laughed in years.  
  
“They came to me. That means, for whatever reason, they can’t find him on their own.” Izumi slammed the bottom drawer shut, rattling the tiny candles that rested on the top.  
  
_It’s my fault.__  
__  
_“I don’t know what he’s thinking. He knows he can’t cook, or swim, or even walk for very long. What does he think he’s going to do?” He sighed, crossed his arms, and tried not to think of all the ways Makoto could get himself killed.  
  
“Has he ever tried this before?” Arashi replied, and tried to pick up the fallen candles. She had that ‘_ohh I’m sure you’re overreacting’ _voice she always had when she was trying too hard to be everyone’s mom. It was confusing, and kind of annoying.  
  
“Ehh… Who are we talking about again?” Ritsu mumbled from the mattress. He’s taken to cuddling one of Makoto’s worn out pillows, and while it was terribly expected it was also unexplainably annoying.  
  
“Awww Ritsu-chaaan… Izumi-chan lost his baby brother, remember?”  
  
“I didn’t _lose_ him, he got lost himself!” Izumi raised his voice a little, which was almost as embarrassing as slamming his hand into the dresser. He couldn’t let the others see how much it hurt, though, that would be awful.  
  
“Geez, really? Are you sure he wasn’t kidnapped or something? I mean, all his stuff’s here.” Ritsu sat up, but didn’t budge when Arashi started trying to make the bed.  
  
“Do… Do you really think…?”  
  
_I should’ve listened to him. I should’ve kept him closer instead of running away from that guilt. I could’ve helped him and he’d be here and he’d be safe and with me and I’d protect him.__  
__  
__“_It’s weird your brother’s missing, too, though. They keep asking me if I’ve seen this sad-looking blonde guy. He looked a little bit like the guy I saw fall out of a tower the other night, but _that guy_ was wearing glasses.” Ritsu, after spouting his bullshit, rolled over and yawned like he didn’t hear the words that just came out of his mouth.  
  
“R-Ritsu-chan,” Arashi whispered to him, as if no one else in the room could hear her anyway. “His little brother _is_ a sad-looking blonde guy _with glasses_.”  
  
“You’re kidding, right?” It took every ounce of Izumi’s entire being to control himself. “My innocent little brother is out there, somewhere, and you waited until _now_ to say anything? He… Did you say he fell off of a _tower_?!”  
Admittedly did not control himself very well. Could’ve been worse.  
  
“Oh… Yeah, sorry. He’s okay though, I think. I kinda left after that? Wasn’t really any of my business. So… They’re all the same guy then?”  
  
Izumi didn’t have the time or patience to deal with this. Ritsu isn’t that stupid. Is this a joke to them? His stupid, clumbsy, helpless brother is out there in the cold wilderness with thieves and beasts and no one to protect him and everyone’s sitting around like it’s a game?  
  
“W-well at least we know he wasn’t kidnapped, right? Izumi-chan? Are you alright?” Why is she still smiling?  
  
“We’re going after him. Pack your things.This chore could’ve been dealt with sooner if you all weren’t so annoying.”  
  
“Aww, we know you’re worried about him. But isn’t this better left to others?” Arashi stopped trying to make the bed, now focussing on trying to get Ritsu to sit up.  
  
Izumi was about to say something about how he _isn’t worried, actually_, but the door to the room was pushed open, and a small red figure appeared in the doorway.  
  
“I asked around a little more, but no one’s seen him. Apparently a lot of people don’t even know who this guy is. Do you even _really_ have a brother?” Tsukasa didn’t really enter the room, nor did he bother to read the atmosphere.  
  
“He’s like, what, a step-brother, right?” Ritsu gave up and decided to let Arashi pull him off the bed and onto his feet. Didn’t stop him from slouching, though.  
  
“That doesn’t matter. We’re going. _Now._” Izumi voiced as strongly as he could, but didn’t move. Or acknowledge anything Tsukasa said.  
  
“Really?! We’re actually going somewhere? _Outside?!_” Tsukasa supposedly wasn’t bothered about being ignored, which was terribly unlike him. “My first _quest_! I will not fail you!”  
  
“Don’t get excited. He couldn’t have gotten far. He’s slow, and he doesn’t know how to do anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was already on his way back.” Izumi calmed himself down a little, though the anxious guilt was still there. Like it always has been.  
  
_We have to find him. He’s all I have left._  
  
“I don’t wanna gooooooo….” Ritsu flopped his head down on Arashi’s shoulder. “Do we really have to? Didn’t they already send a bunch of people? If he’s coming back why do we even have to bother.”  
  
“It’s true that he doesn’t have anywhere else to go. He doesn't know anyone, or where anything is, he _has_ to come back.”  
  
_But he could die._  
  
“However, it’d be really inconvenient if a rune-beast got him first. We’re leaving.” He started to walk, finally, moving from that broken dresser.  
  
“Oh, really? You know, you’ve been really bossy since our captain left. You can’t make all the rules yourself, you know?”  
  
“_Naru-kun_, we are _not_ talking about this right now. Don’t… Don’t talk about him. Not right now. This is all so damned annoying. Fine. If you don’t want to go I don’t care.”  
  


_ I’m not going to sit here and do nothing. Not anymore. _ _  
_ _ I won’t let that happen again. I’ll go after him this time. And I’ll protect him like I should've protected… Him, too. _ _  
_ _  
_ Izumi planned on walking out the door, dramatically, waiting for them to follow. But Tsukasa was still standing there, blocking his path out into the dark hall.  
  
“You all, why don’t you want to go? It’s a brave and noble _ quest! _ A rescue mission! We’ll fight bandits and thieves and beasts! Don’t you want to? Isn’t that what we’re here for?” He reached for his sword, probably to do something stupid.  
But luckily, he caught the glare Izumi gave him. Not in that room.  
  
“There’s nothing brave or noble about going to pick up an idiot that wandered too far from home. Now stop being a brat and get ready to leave.”  
  
Tsukasa flashed his own glare. “Of course. Sir.” He left into the darkness of the hallway.  
  
“You two. If you’re going, we need another transport. We’ll be too slow in a wagon.” Izumi didn’t turn to look at them, or wait for a reply. He needed to get ready.  
  
_ Captain would know what to do. He always knew what to do. None of us have left the palace since… Since he… _ _  
_ _  
_ No. This wasn’t about _ him. _ _  
_ _ He _ could take care of himself. Makoto can’t. He can’t do anything. He doesn't know anything. He’s a weak-hearted boy that can’t do anything himself and maybe if Izumi had protected him or listened to him or maybe not have given him terrible advice he’d still be here, safe within the walls of the palace. But he could never, and will never tell anyone that.  
  
_ Just like I can’t do anything. I couldn’t do anything then when he begged me for help, and I can’t do anything now. I let him suffer long enough. _ _  
_ _ And now I may not get another chance to help him… _ _  
_ _  
_Just as he was about to leave that dirty hovel of a room full of annoying memories, something on the floor caught his eye. It sparkled between the floorboards, where the wood of the room met the hard stone of the hallway, dim from the light behind him. Izumi bent down and picked it up, holding it delicately between his fingers. It was familiar somehow, despite just being a normal earring back. Though nothing exciting or worth keeping, he slipped it into his pocket anyway. 

-

It was a heavy dusk by the time the others showed up. There was a strange, uncomfortable burning in his chest watching the three of them approach. Izumi admitted to himself, for a brief moment, that he was really, really glad he wouldn’t have to go by himself.  
  
“About time.” He said, instead, the second his companions were in earshot. He didn’t want to say anything else. He was tired, irritated, and the sooner they left the better. They’ve wasted too much time, and it’s not like they can cover very much ground in the dark, anyway.  
  
“So… I’m to assume we have a _plan?_” Tsukasa grumbled as he slung his huge bag into the back of their modified transport. Without asking, too. It’s not like he had everything inside perfectly organized, either. Seems like someone’s not as excited about a ‘_noble quest_’ as he previously claimed.  
  
Did they have a plan? He didn’t really think anything through besides demanding permission to leave from that green-haired guy who runs everything. It seemed that guy was also pretty desperate to find Makoto, according to his sweaty exasperated explanations, they’d sent out a few people, and their most complicated location spells weren’t working at all. Location spells aren’t too difficult that the Emperor’s lackeys can’t use them without trouble, but someone like Makoto definitely did not have the power required to hide his location.  
  
“Of course there’s a plan.” Izumi spat as delicately as he could, and refused to elaborate.  
  
“Is this the transport?” Apparently Tsukasa didn’t care enough about the probable plan anyway, if he was just going to ignore him and get distracted. “It’s huge? I thought you said a wagon would be too slow.” He climbed in the back, hoisting himself over the tall metal rims and falling on his face.  
  
“Ohh, he’s right, Izumi-chan. Isn’t this supposed to be a quick look-around? Why are we taking _this one_?” Why did Arashi sound so surprised? She never complained when their captain took this one out. The gold and emerald lining of the thick wheels worked better as magic tools than any flower trough they could find. These wheels didn’t need to be refilled. Besides, there was enough space for all of them to sleep in this, did no one think of that?  
  
“Well if you’re going to complain the whole time you can stay here? I’m not making you do anything.” Izumi replied.  
  
She just sighed in response, unhooked the little brass knob that let down the caravan’s steps, and climbed gracefully into her own seat.  
  
“Ooo… You don’t need to be so dishonest.” She growled under her breath. “I miss when we had horses.”  
  
The mood was bad. Well, still better than it usually is. Things never really got back to normal since they lost their captain. He would've known what to do. He might’ve built them a better transport by now. But they’re finally actually doing something and all anyone can do is stare blankly into anything other than each other.  
Ritsu propped himself into the driver’s seat, seemingly out of nowhere (as usual). Living as the designated night-watch is a habit that’s never left him, apparently.  
  
“Heeey… Don’t worry, okay? He’s fine. Nothing bad happens around here. If we hurry we can be back before Maa-kun gets home from his own… Thing.” He pretended to yawn, and placed his hands on the huge input pad. A caravan with this much renewable magic didn’t need much to keep it going, but it still needed _something_. The familiar soft buzz of magic grew, and the gentle glow of the imprints on the input pad raced throughout the outside edges, joining the lanterns of the palace’s back gate.  
  
“Oh! Ritsu-senpai, I thought you couldn’t use magic!” Tsukasa almost jumped out of his seat, interrupting the horridly silent and terrible mood with his loud voice and childlike excitement.   
  
“Ehhhhhh? Who told you that? I can at least do something as simple as this, which is a lot more than you can do, Su-uu-chan.”  
  
Funny, Ritsu’s usually a lot more annoyed when someone points out his surprising lack of ability. It’s a story he doesn’t like to tell, much less think about, but perhaps Izumi underestimated the soft spot they all had for Tsukasa.  
He wasn’t there when their captain was. The foolish kid still believes in honor. Maybe that’s not all bad, though.  
  
“I _hardly_ see how that’s a problem. I’m practiced enough with my weapon, aren’t I?”  
  
“Oh Tsukasa-chan! You’re so cute~ You’re excited to fight the beasties, aren’t you?” Arashi chimed in, probably trying to change the mood (as usual). “They’re really big and scary! They don’t show up around here, though. They’re created by renegade warlocks, I’ve heard. They’re supposed to be really quite the sight, you know? Admittedly I’ve never seen them myself. But they’re _seriously_ dangerous, so… Watch out! _Grrr_!”  
  
“Narukami-senpai. Do not growl at me. I am not a _child_, I am not going to be scared by fake monster noises.”  
  
“Awww! Tsukasa-chan! Maybe you can protect _me_ from the big baddies~”  
  
“Both of you are _so_ annoying. Can you focus? For like, five minutes?” Izumi couldn’t help himself. Why? Why couldn’t he just let them have fun? They were probably going to just go to sleep anyway, everything didn’t _need_ to be terrible.  
  
But still, there was something heavy and anxious and terrifying that he knows he’s felt before, and as they headed down the path out of the courtyard, a terrible regret resurfaced.  
  
_I’m not going to make that mistake again.__  
__  
_It carried on like that for a while. The only sounds were the crunch of the huge, heavy caravan rolling upon the paved stone road and the soft hum of the moving magic. They followed the road out the palace gates, and down away from the castle town. The topography of the land was hidden by the deep abyss of the night, but it was too much of a bother to try to imagine the runes he knew were there sticking out of the ground. Izumi wondered for a second about whether or not he should go ahead and ask Ritsu about the crap he went on about earlier. He’s definitely not that stupid, but he _is_ that lazy, so Izumi probably wouldn’t get anywhere even if he did confront him about _‘why didn’t you tell me you saw my brother fall out of a window’_. So instead, he looked up to the stars, taking a small break from the seeming never-ending darkness of the path ahead. The stars were bright. He hadn’t really looked at them in a while, but he’s also never really cared about the stars. They’re pretty, sure, but they were always just there. There were many more beautiful things out there, most only existing in those annoying, persistent memories.  
  
_You better not die on me, little brother. __  
__I’m not going to fail you again._  
_Not like I failed him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap was so hard thank you for your patience with me.... ik its a short one but heherheurhliuewhfuiewa ive literally never written any knights before . next one we gat back to the maomako i promise. i lvoe u all so much

**Author's Note:**

> rubyverse.carrd.co i really do love this au so much its so important to me


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